Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Real World Las Vegas Episode 4 - "Three Hookups and a Breakup"

Nany and Adam have a romantic lunch at a restaurant inside of a casino.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Real World Las Vegas Episode 3 - "Stands By Me"

Two cast members "play pool", as the kids are calling it nowadays.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Real Housewives of Orange County Episode 3 - "A New Lease on Life"

If the RHOC camera men had to pick their favorite episode to film, it would be this one. Because Jim and Alexis gave them free toast in La Jolla.

Kourtney & Kim Take New York Episode 8 - "A Dash of Respect"

Scott Disick poses for Men's Ass, the second-most jerked-off to porno mag in Lower Manhattan.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Real Housewives of Miami Episode 4 - "Waterfront & Center"

Sometimes you're just so in love that you have to get married this very second. Or, the groom's visa is about to expire.

Monday, March 14, 2011

The Bachelor Finale

Brad Womack owns bars and breaks hearts.

Kim & Kourtney Take New York Episode 7 - "Straight Expectations"

Contrary to the belief of anyone who's ever met him, Marco is not gay.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Real World Las Vegas Episode 1 - "Welcome to Las Vegas"

After fancy limo rides from McCarran Airport, the cast is taken to their new digs at... Circus Circus.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Monday, March 7, 2011

The Bachelor Episode 10 - "The Women Tell All"

This person is a bartender, and a huge asshole.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Kim & Kourtney Take New York Episode 6 - "Dream a Little Dream"

THE DREAM  - Sing for me, baby. Show the world that you're famous for more than a massive vagina.

KIM KARDASHIAN - Ok, here goes nothing. Hope I can compare to the other singing Kim, Ms. Zolciak. **talking**

I'm going out tonight.
And I'm gonna work like I'm paying my bills.

Real Housewives of Orange County Episode 1 - "Amped Blondes and Evil Eyes"

TAMRA BARNEY - Hey, girls. I'm so glad you could take time out of your busy pedicure schedules to try on ugly clothes with pictures on them at my boyfriend's house.

ALEXIS BELLINO - It's been difficult to find time for much of anything, now that one of my nannies was deported. I only went to Big Fat Juicy Booty Boot Camp twice this week.

FERNANDA - Your absence was definitely felt. By me. Because I'm a lesbian.

TAMRA BARNEY - Uh oh, I'm getting fake-lesbian jealous, Fernanda.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Jersey Shore Episode 23 - "A Cheesy Situation"

Sammi might not be smart, or kind, or funny, but she sure knows how to wear black bras with outfits that display them.

RONNIE - Wow, Sammi. You look really beautiful in that blue dress.

SAMMI - Thanks.

RONNIE - Mind if I follow you around the bar?

SAMMI - Yes. Yes, I do.

RONNIE - Well, then, fuck you and your visible black bra. Christ, haven't you ever heard of a convertible bandeau?

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Real Housewives of Miami Episode 2 - "Black Ball'd"

Rich people with limp wrists eating food.

CRISTY RICE - Hey, it's me, Cristy Rice, former wife of former Los Angeles Clippers star Glen Rice. I'm here to drink for free and make sure Joe Francis sees my butt.

LEA BLACK - Well, I'm here to raise money for the starving children of Hialeah.

ALEXIA ECHEVARRIA - Who probably read Venue magazine. Or wish they could.

LEA BLACK - And you, Miss Rice, have done those children a great disservice by not paying the $25 entrance free to this event.

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