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| Contrary to the belief of anyone who's ever met him, Marco is not gay. |
KIM KARDASHIAN - Marco, meet Rob. I think you two will be great friends, and by "friends" I mean, "two people who will enjoy anally penetrating one another on lazy Sundays".
ROB - So, a little about me... I'm a huge Ann Rice fan, especially The Vampire Lestat, I love Nepalese brunch buffets, and I've had tremendous romantic luck with minor league baseball pitchers.
MARCO - Wait just a second, here. Is this, like, a date?
ROB - It doesn't have to be. We can go to the men's room and get the important stuff out of the way.
MARCO - What? No! I don't want to do anything like that. I'm from Hoboken.
ROB - Fine, but washing your hands before eating is an important part of personal hygiene.
MARCO - Oh! Haha. I thought you were talking about sex.
ROB - I was, but you freaked the fuck out.
SCOTT DISICK - Hey, girlies! Who wants some potato chip crumbs, straight from my bed spread?
MARCO - I'm not a "girly"! The La Perla bustier I'm wearing under this button-up just makes me a metrosexual.
SCOTT DISICK - Whoa, chill, sweetcakes. I call everyone a girly, even the masculine likes of Bruce Jenner.
MARCO - I'm sorry. I'm just feeling insecure because everyone thinks I'm gay. Even my mom.
KIM KARDASHIAN - Aw... it's ok. There are worse things everyone could think about you. Just ask Khloe.
MARCO - But, Kim, when you asked me to zip up your ugly gray school girl outfit, I thought you were interested in me.
KIM KARDASHIAN - Uh, what? You did? Lemme ask you a few things. Do you play a professional sport?
MARCO - I was on B Team basketball freshman year...
KIM KARDASHIAN - Uh huh. Do you have millions of dollars?
MARCO - My dad has a ski boat on Lake Winnipesaukee.
KIM KARDASHIAN - Right. And most importantly, are you black?
MARCO - Well, I really like that Whiz Khalifa song.
KIM KARDASHIAN - See? I would never, in a billion years, be interested in you. Even if I showed up in your room naked and handed you a condom, don't get it twisted. Never ever ever.
MARCO - I don't think anybody in the history of the world has been as ashamed as I am at this moment.
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - Anybody want a face full of urine? **flicks her fingers around the room**
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