Thursday, March 3, 2011

Jersey Shore Episode 23 - "A Cheesy Situation"

Sammi might not be smart, or kind, or funny, but she sure knows how to wear black bras with outfits that display them.

RONNIE - Wow, Sammi. You look really beautiful in that blue dress.

SAMMI - Thanks.

RONNIE - Mind if I follow you around the bar?

SAMMI - Yes. Yes, I do.

RONNIE - Well, then, fuck you and your visible black bra. Christ, haven't you ever heard of a convertible bandeau?


RONNIE - Look into it, skank. **throws a drink in Sam's face**

SAMMI - I'm done. I'm done. **she goes home to her Mom's house but comes back after four days**

PAULY D - Whoa, bro. You really showed her with your knowledge of bras designed for difficult necklines.

RONNIE - Damn straight. **sniffs** What's that awful smell?

PAULY D - Maybe it's our toilet back at the house. Two weeks worth of backup can probably travel the distance to Karma.

RONNIE - No, that's not it. Smells more like -.

THE SITUATION - Hey, guys. That pasteurized scent is the yeast infection I contracted from last night's slam piece. Who knew?

RONNIE - I was going to say grated cheese, but whatevs.

THE SITUATION - I should have paid more attention in Mrs. Jarvis-Pirelli's health class sophomore year. Turns out your standard unprotected oral sex can result in a variety of infections. Now who wants a hug?

PAULY D - Don't fuckin' touch me, Bread Boy.

SNOOKI - Hey, guys. Where's Moby Dick?

PAULY D - On my bookshelf. Just kidding. I don't read.

SNOOKI - No, that's just my nickname for Vinny. Because he's got a big penis. Funny, right?

PAULY D - In that case, he's off having sex with a fertile Dominican.

SNOOKI - Hahaha! You're so crazy.

RONNIE - He's being totally serious.

SNOOKI - B-b-but... Vinnie's supposed to stay celibate until I'm ready to take a break from fucking strangers.

THE SITUATION - Rules that never actually existed were meant to be broken. Anyway, I'm off to see what other strange conditions I can contract. Peace!

SNOOKI - **starts convulsing on the ground**

DEENA - Oh no. She's histatic.

PAULY D - What the fuck is histatic?

DEENA -  **points at Snooki**  That.

PAULY D - Ah, ok. Got it.

JWOWW - Oh my god! What's wrong with Snooki?

DEENA - She's histatic.

JWOWW - Shit. Again?

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