Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Catfish: The TV Show Recap, Episode 15 - "Mike & Caroline"



Michael Bradley


Nev and Max meet Mike at his parent's house in Pensacola...

NEV SCHULMAN - Can I ask you a question?

MIKE -  Shoot.

NEV SCHULMAN - What's with people in Florida and mini-gauges?

MIKE  - I thought the question would be about the love of my life, Caroline.

MAX JOSEPH - We're not machines, Mike. We have thoughts and emotions.

MIKE  - Well, since you're so emotional, how'd you like to buy some of my artwork? **holds up portrait of naked lady with mini gauges**

NEV SCHULMAN - Nice try.

MAX JOSEPH - So tell us about this fire crotch.

NEV SCHULMAN - Max, that's really insensitive.

MAX JOSEPH - You're right. Tell us about this really pretty fire crotch.

MIKE  - She lives about a block away, has cancer, and owns a jersey that says "Caroline" on the back. That's about it.

MAX JOSEPH - If she won't meet you, she's probably fat.

NEV SCHULMAN - Max!

MAX JOSEPH  - What?

NEV SCHULMAN -  Ok, it's true. You are talking to a fatty.

MIKE  - But won't chemo shed off most of the weight?

NEV SCHULMAN  - So you'd prefer her to be thin and sick than healthy and plump?

MIKE  - **changes subject** Um, have I mentioned she left a note on my car that says Boo Bear?



Catfish215Sneak


The group sits down to do some hard-core research...

NEV SCHULMAN - Let's try our patented Reverse Google Image Search.

MAX JOSEPH  - **finds her facebook** Good news, she's actually named Caroline.

NEV SCHULMAN - Except her last name is not Rhodes.

MIKE  - Duh, dudes, she's got two different profiles under two different names. Hello, this is America.

NEV SCHULMAN -  Have you talked to her under her other profile?

MIKE  - I messaged her but she didn't respond. She has cancer. Give her a break.

NEV SCHULMAN - But that doesn't make sense -

MIKE  - MY MOM HAD CANCER BEFORE I WAS BORN AND MY DAD IS NEWLY-DIABETED, SO STOP.

NEV SCHULMAN  - Wow. Case closed, I guess.




Nev and Max video chat with the real Caroline in North Carolina...

NEV SCHULMAN - Hey, it was nice talking to your duck-face selfie friend.

CAROLINE LEDFORD - She's cool.

NEV SCHULMAN - Can you tell Mike as gently as possible that it's not you he's been talking to?

CAROLINE  - Sure. Hi Mike. I'd rather set my crotch on fire a second time than even type "fuck you" to someone with mini-gauges, let alone set foot in the Redneck Riviera.

MAX JOSEPH - Well, that'll get the point across.




They show Mike the video, and he cries...

MIKE  - Couldn't you have edited that footage or something?

NEV SCHULMAN - Sorry. Max doesn't know how to do that.





At the public park, Heather shows up to meet Mike...

MIKE  - Great, it's that fat bitch from Plenty Of Fish.

MAX JOSEPH - Not to rub it in, but you don't find filet mignon at the 7-11.

HEATHER PADGETT - Hi, Michael. I started the fake profile after we first met and you called me a "fat bitch." 

NEV SCHULMAN -  Some things never change.

HEATHER - -  But then after talking to you, I realized you're cool as crap, and not just somebody who'd treat a hot girl better than a not hot girl.

MAX JOSEPH - Pensacola - home of Bubba Watson and poor judgment.

HEATHER - I write nice notes on your car and almost go into your work sometimes.

NEV SCHULMAN -  See? Told you she was a stalker.

MAX JOSEPH -  So do you have cancer?

HEATHER -  I wish. Maybe I'd finally lose some weight.

NEV SCHULMAN - Mike, you guys might have more in common than you think. Just sayin'...


THE END.

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