Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Dance Moms Episode 2 - "Night of the Living Dancers**

At Abby Lee Miller Studios...

ABBY LEE MILLER - Paige, you suck too hard to include in the group dance. But your mom pays tuition on time, so I have to give you a solo.

PAIGE HYLAND - Thank you.

ABBY LEE MILLER -  Kelly, please take home this folding chair I "borrowed" from the VFW hall, paint it black, and apply stoppers to the legs.

KELLY HYLAND, BROOKE & PAIGE'S MOM - Will do. **takes chair to mom's room, colors with a sharpie, brings back within five minutes**  Done!

**Paige dances with chair, slips and falls in a pool of black sharpie ink**

KELLY HYLAND - Uh... whoops.  

ABBY LEE MILLER -  Are you happy now? You half-assed your way through community college, and now you're half-assing being a mom.

KELLY HYLAND - Oh yeah? Well, half of your ass would be the size of a normal person's ass!

ABBY LEE MILLER - Was that a fat joke? I couldn't tell. Paige, was that a fat joke?

PAIGE HYLAND - **still injured on floor in a pool of ink** Yes, I think so.

ABBY LEE MILLER  - You gotta step up your game, Kels.

KELLY HYLAND - Fuck you.

At the Energy Mitochondria Electrolyte Active Cultures Competition at Northside College Prep in Chicago...

 ANNOUNCER - Paige to the stage. Hehe, that rhymes. Cool.

KELLY HYLAND - **backstage, clutching Paige like a doll** Sorry you cant dance today, honey. But we gotta teach that fat stupid bitch a lesson about being nice to people.

 ANNOUNCER - No Paige to the stage? Guess we'll move along. Maddie to the marley! Hehe, alliteration.

**Maddie dances, but wanna-be laptop DJ stops the music to fuck with her. Maddie freezes** 

ABBY LEE MILLER - **from audience, messily eating a Polish sausage** DON'T EMBARRASS ME!!!!!

MADDIE ZIEGLER - **finishes routine, runs to Abby in the audience** Did I do the right thing, Miss Abby?

ABBY LEE MILLER - Yes. This will be a useful lesson for adulthood. No matter how awful it feels, let him finish. **DJ gives thumbs up from backstage**

 **Nia and Mackenzie perform Circus Circus number, where they pretend to play slots at shittiest hotel-casino on the strip. Zombie/Statue routine is next**

HOLLY HATCHER-FRAZIER, NIA'S MOM  - Alright, here comes my big moment! 

ABBY LEE MILLER - From disgraced elementary school principal to zombie costume designer. I'd say you're moving up in the world.

**Girls perform Zombie/Statue routine, which makes absolutely no sense**

ANNOUNCER - I don't get it. Last place.



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