KRISTIANA - Time to face the music. Time to do what must be done, no matter how much dread and terror I feel.
JOHN - Aw, don't get stressed about jail yet. First we get to have sex.
KRISTIANA - The sex is what I was talking about.
JOHN - Hey, my ex-wife's cousin said I was the third-best white Native American from Cresco she ever slept with.
KRISTIANA - Quite a rave review. **they do it**
KRISTIANA'S MOM - You two look like you just got done rollin' in the hay.
JOHN - That metaphor evoking dryness and a large pile of beige is actually pretty apt here.
KRISTIANA'S SISTER - Too bad you gotta go back now, sis. Was nice seeing you again. **pushes Kristiana out the door** God, I thought i'd never get my spot on the couch between mom and the oxygen tank back again.
JOHN - Hey, did I ever tell you that my affair partner/ex-wife's cousin was also her sister? **winks**
KRISTIANA'S SISTER - Ugh, fine. **does it with him**
Jessica tries on wedding dresses at Viero Bridal with her mother and friend...
JESSICA - How do I look?
JESSICA'S FRIEND - Have you ever imagined Gilbert Grape's mom in a milk bath? Like that.
JESSICA - Hey, now. I'm not just fat. I'm also pregnant.
JESSICA'S MOM - Really?
JESSICA - Yep. Excited?
JESSICA'S MOM - Eh, I was always hoping my first grandchild would be a Blood.
In the courthouse parking lot, after Shawn's proposal...
SHAWN - She said yes!
DESTINIE - I didn't say yes so much as I silently nodded with resignation as I contemplated a life without ever touching a vagina again.
SHAWN - I'll take what I can get.
DESTINIE - I have one condition.
SHAWN - Yes, I'll take out my top dentures each time I give oral.
DESTINIE - No. You have to keep me far away from your ex.
SHAWN - I can keep you two empty seats apart at the diner we're scheduled to meet her at in 30 minutes.
DESTINIE - Deal.
Lindsey's friend Tara visits...
LINDSEY - If you need us, we'll be upstairs.
SCOTT - No hanky panky up there, you two! HA!
LINDSEY - **rolls eyes** Get real, Scott. **they go upstairs and immediately scissor each other**
SCOTT - Twelve dollars of Groupon lip filler guaranteed to please a lady, flushed right down the toilet.
Heather kicks Dylan out of the car after their trip to the DMV...
HEATHER - Get out! And stay out! **peels away**
DYLAN - BUT I HAVE NOBODY!!!!!!!!
DYLAN'S MOM - Um, hello?
DYLAN - Oh yeah. You.
ROBIN, DYLAN'S AUNT - Um, hello?
DYLAN - You too, I guess.
ROBIN - If you wanted the attention of an older woman on oxygen, I could have taken you to watch me at one of those kiosks at the mall.
DYLAN'S MOM - Let me tell you a little something about life, son. If a meth head offers to take you to the DMV, you always say no.
ROBIN - She's learned that the hard away.
DYLAN - You guys are so, so wise.
THE END
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