Monday, November 9, 2020

Love After Lockup Recap, Season 3, Episode 17 - "Two Body Bags"

John and Kristiana contemplate her return to prison...

KRISTIANA - Time to face the music. Time to do what must be done, no matter how much dread and terror I feel.

JOHN - Aw, don't get stressed about jail yet. First we get to have sex.

KRISTIANA - The sex is what I was talking about.

JOHN - Hey, my ex-wife's cousin said I was the third-best white Native American from Cresco she ever slept with.

KRISTIANA -  Quite a rave review. **they do it**

KRISTIANA'S MOM - You two look like you just got done rollin' in the hay.

JOHN - That metaphor evoking dryness and a large pile of beige is actually pretty apt here. 

KRISTIANA'S SISTER - Too bad you gotta go back now, sis. Was nice seeing you again. **pushes Kristiana out the door** God, I thought i'd never get my spot on the couch between mom and the oxygen tank back again. 

JOHN - Hey, did I ever tell you that my affair partner/ex-wife's cousin was also her sister? **winks**

KRISTIANA'S SISTER - Ugh, fine. **does it with him**

Jessica tries on wedding dresses at Viero Bridal with her mother and friend...

JESSICA - How do I look? 

JESSICA'S FRIEND - Have you ever imagined Gilbert Grape's mom in a milk bath? Like that.

JESSICA - Hey, now. I'm not just fat. I'm also pregnant.

JESSICA'S MOM - Really? 

JESSICA - Yep. Excited?

JESSICA'S MOM - Eh, I was always hoping my first grandchild would be a Blood. 

In the courthouse parking lot, after Shawn's proposal...

SHAWN -  She said yes!

DESTINIE - I didn't say yes so much as I silently nodded with resignation as I contemplated a life without ever touching a vagina again.

SHAWN - I'll take what I can get. 

DESTINIE - I have one condition. 

SHAWN - Yes, I'll take out my top dentures each time I give oral.

DESTINIE - No. You have to keep me far away from your ex.

SHAWN - I can keep you two empty seats apart at the diner we're scheduled to meet her at in 30 minutes. 


Lindsey's friend Tara visits...

LINDSEY - If you need us, we'll be upstairs.

SCOTT - No hanky panky up there, you two! HA!

LINDSEY - **rolls eyes** Get real, Scott. **they go upstairs and immediately scissor each other**

SCOTT - Twelve dollars of Groupon lip filler guaranteed to please a lady, flushed right down the toilet.  

Heather kicks Dylan out of the car after their trip to the DMV...

HEATHER - Get out! And stay out! **peels away**


DYLAN'S MOM - Um, hello?

DYLAN -  Oh yeah. You.

ROBIN, DYLAN'S AUNT - Um, hello?

DYLAN -  You too, I guess.

ROBIN - If you wanted the attention of an older woman on oxygen, I could have taken you to watch me at one of those kiosks at the mall. 

DYLAN'S MOM - Let me tell you a little something about life, son. If a meth head offers to take you to the DMV, you always say no. 

ROBIN - She's learned that the hard away. 

DYLAN - You guys are so, so wise. 


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