Thursday, November 5, 2020

Real Housewives of Orange County. Season 15, Ep 4 - "The Aftershock

Kelly Dodd and Rick Levanthal move stuff upstairs in her new house...

KELLY  - Man, it's wild out here in the suburbs. People, like, drop by.

RICK  - Hopefully not when we're having one of our insane craycray nuts fuck seshes. **cops a feel**

**they hear a knock from downstairs**

EMILY SIMPSON - Hello, anybody home? It's me, Emily.

RICK - God damn it. 

KELLY - Oh, hey. Come in. We'll be right down. 

EMILY SIMPSON - I brought my original hip bone for us all to look at. 

KELLY - Um, cool.

RICK - **whispers** She can probably keep herself busy down there for a few minutes. **massages the puffy shoulder on Kelly's sweater**

**another knock from downstairs**

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Knock, knock! It's me, Tamra Barney Judge! I was in the neighborhood and wanted to show you all how to do a 90-second plank!

RICK - I thought she wasn't even allowed on the show this season? 

KELLY - She's not. But what can I do? It's the suburbs.

RICK - She has Emily to entertain her. **sticks his tongue down her throat**

**another knock from downstairs**

COLTON KEOUGH - Yoo hoo! Got a cup of sugar? It's me, Jeana Keough's youngest son Colton! 

KELLY - Ok, I don't even know him.

RICK - I'm seeing this quickie slip away, much like the truth on Fox News. 

**another knock from downstairs**

LOU KNICKERBOCKER - Howdy ho, neighbor! It's me, Tammy Knickerbocker's dead husband, Lou Knickerbocker! Just needed to stretch my legs! 

KELLY - I'm moving. 

After Braunwyn Windham-Burke's dramatic exist from Shannon's party, she waits outside, and spots Shannon's boyfriend's son...

BRAUNWYN - Hey Pomegranate Kid - go fetch my husband.

JOHN'S SON  - They're lemons.

BRAUNWYN - Fine. Lemon kid.

JOHN'S SON - My name is Greg.

BRAUNWYN - Fine. Greg.

JOHN'S SON - It's pronounced Graig, like Barry Williams's character on the Brady Bu - 


JOHN'S SON - Jeez. Touchy. **reenters the party to get Sean**

SEAN - **comes out from the party** Hi, honey. You sent for me?

BRAUNWYN - I left the party 30 minutes ago!

SEAN - Sorry. It was getting kind of fun in there.

BRAUNWYN - Can you go back in and get Gina? 

SEAN - Why didn't you just ask Graig to get Gina, instead of asking for Graig to get me for me to go get Gina? .

BRAUNWYN - **pulls a flask of grain alcohol from her waistband** 

SEAN - Ok, ok! I'll get her. 

Gina Kischenheiter and Braunwyn talk outside the party...

GINA - Graig said you wanted to tawk to me.

BRAUNWYN - 30 days off alcohol and the name Greg no longer exists. 

GINA - Hey now - that might be the next Ryan Veith you're talking about. 

BRAUNWYN - I'm sorry I've been talking trash about you like I'm Donald Trump to your Rosie O'Donnell. 

GINA - Are you calling me fat?

BRAUNWYN - NO! I'm saying you're the Vicky to my Slade Smiley stand up comedy hour. 

GINA - Oh, so now my face looks like a pig's?

BRAUNWYN - NO! I'm saying I'm the kid throwing rocks at your Forrest Gump. 

GINA - So I've got an IQ of 75 but received a perfect score in advanced physics class? 

BRAUNWYN - Wow. You sure know that movie. No, I'm saying I was hurt by you telling people Sean came onto you, and I lashed out. 

GINA - Lady, your husband sent me a winky face, so I told people.

BRAUNWYN - Believe me, you'd know if Sean was coming on to you, like when he drew a heart on a Starbucks receipt and dropped it in the vacant lot across the street from Heather Dubrow's hairstylist. 


Kelly Dodd approaches Shannon Beador and her elderly father...

SHANNON'S DAD - Hello, Kelly, Nice to see you again. 

KELLY - How ya doin', fuck machine? 

SHANNON - Kelly! That's my father! He has over 20 argyle sweaters! 

KELLY - Whatever, just a little bit of fun word play. Right, fat cock master?

SHANNON - He donated a million to Reagan's campaign! Twice!

KELLY - Chill, dork. She's so uptight. Not like you. boss - bet your sphincter is loose as a goose.

SHANNON - What the - ?! He only stays up past 8 pm to watch the 700 Club! 

KELLY - Alright, alright. You've got a point. Ahem - SIR - why don't you whip out that big fatty and slap me in the face with it?

SHANNON  - **faints**

KELLY -  What a prude. 



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