Wednesday, March 20, 2019

Summer House Recap, Season 3, Episode 3 - "Firework Starter"

Lindsay Hubbard Has A Warning For Jordan Verroi


The gang hits the beach...


DANIELLE - Well, I've got to go catch a train. Big presentation in Milwaukee this week. 

HANNAH - I thought it was Chicago. 

DANIELLE - That was last week. My company was created specifically to give presentations in Midwestern markets. **leaves** 

LINDSAY - So, Jordan, how was hooking up with Danielle?

JORDAN -  It was just a make-out. I've gone further with my cousin Chad. 

LINDSAY - But who do you like more? Paige or Danielle? And, yes, I am well into my 30s, why do you ask. 

JORDAN - To put it kindly, Paige is the one you take to internet church while you facetime with your grandma. 

PAIGE - Aw. 

JORDAN - And Danielle is the one you throw into a trash heap on Sunday, two days before it's picked up by Streets and San. 

KYLE - He's got a way with words, this one. 


summer-house-kyle-amanda-business.jpg

Kyle and Amanda visit the plant of their new beverage venture, while the manufacturer prepares a tasting... 

KYLE - I'm feeling good about this venture. It's another Four Loko in the making. 

BEVERAGE MANUFACTURER - **to Amanda** And you're his partner? 

AMANDA - I'm just here to support him by criticizing his drinking habits.

KYLE - That's all she ever does. Literally. 

AMANDA - One time I chopped vegetables passive-aggressively. 

KYLE - You see, I cheated on her. 

AMANDA - He cheated on me. But he was blacked out. 

KYLE - And I regret it. I'm never gonna find taters like this on another girl. 

AMANDA - Aw. That's sweet. **they kiss ** 

BEVERAGE MANUFACTURER - Do you two want to, uh, taste the product? **looks at his watch**

KYLE - This guy's got a lot to learn about products developed solely for the sake of a reality show storyline. 


Kyle Cooke Isn't Buying Anything Jordan Verroi Is Selling

The bros have bro time at the house... 

KYLE - Bro time, Bro! 

CARL - Send it! 

JORDAN -  It's already been sended! 

CARL - Lit! 

KYLE - Fleek! 

CARL - Millennial term I might be too old to use!

KYLE - But seriously. Jordan, tell us about the inner workings of your heart. Have you found love this summer?

JORDAN -  You may have heard my trash heap metaphor earlier. It still stands. 

DANIELLE - **pops out of nowhere** Hey, guys! 

JORDAN -  Fucknuts.

DANIELLE - Don't worry, I didn't hear. Oxy.

JORDAN -   I know which pharmaceutical company I'm giving thanks to during my next internet church session. 


Paige DeSorbo and Lindsay Hubbard Have Very Different Relationship "Must Haves"

Danielle meets the girls out for dinner...

LINDSAY - Hey, just to follow up on the mountain of humiliation we've piled upon you, Jordan isn't in to you. 

HANNAH - He said it to all of us. And now we are saying it to you. 

DANIELLE - If I was capable of thinking about anything beyond "the D", I'd be extremely upset with the immature way this has been communicated. 

**the girls awkwardly sip their drinks**

DANIELLE - But I'm not. Party on, Wayne! **they toast**

Guess Who's Back In the Summer House

The gang comes home after a long day of drinking to find Hannah in bed...

PAIGE - Man oh man, do you miss out by not doing coke. 

HANNAH - It's ok. I was ranked 15th in the country in tennis in high school.

PAIGE - This has nothing to do with tennis. At all.

HANNAH - Everything has to do with tennis. 

EVERETT - **sneaking into Lindsey's room** Lindsey, it's time to make some Love.

HANNAH - See?

THE END. 





















































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