Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Summer House Recap, Season 3, Episode 4 - "Pantry Passion"

The group goes out to dinner...

KYLE - Not to start shit—I would NEVER start shit—but Jordan showed us some screenshots the other night...

HANNAH - We've already seen the one where Jonathan Cheban says "nice pic" on the Hinge motorcycle Instagram post.

JORDAN - Heh, that's a good one.

KYLE - No, this is one in which he is claiming Paige is into him and his weird abs.


JORDAN - You know you want these. **lifts his shirt to show his weird abs**

PAIGE - We work together. I don't shit where I film myself wearing white pumps in front of a dumpster.

CARL - Ooooh, I'm finding this side of you very sexy, Paige.

PAIGE - Oh yeah? **giggles**

LINDSAY - Carl, care to join me outside? Talking about our long-term plans on the street seems most appropriate in the middle of a group dinner on a Friday night after you've just indicated your interest in someone.

CARL  - Um, sure.

LINDSAY -  **outside** So, what do you really want in this world?

CARL -  A wife. Kids. A job that doesn't require me to go to networking events at the Doubletree conference room.

LINDSAY -  Good. At least shoot for the Westin.

CARL  - Can I... ...go back inside now?


Back at the house, Danielle corners Jordan in the kitchen...

DANIELLE - Pucker up, big boy.

JORDAN - Not in the kitchen.

DANIELLE - But the kitchen is the sexiest place in the home. Ever watch The Barefoot Contessa?

JORDAN - Helllllooo, DUH! Er, I meant, who?

DANIELLE - Let's try this again. Pucker up, big b—

JORDAN - Listen, I didn't think my penis could retreat further into my body than when we made out on July 4th. But here we are.

DANIELLE - I'm starting to get the impression you're not into me.

The gang takes a party bus to a winery... 

LINDSAY - Dancing on a pole!

AMANDA - Making out!

KYLE - Chugging Fireball!

JORDAN - Telling a made-up story about how a woman licked my ass right after I lost my virginity and I kicked her in the face and she fell off a bunk bed!

CARL  - So which part of that story was made up?

JORDAN - The part where it was a woman.

CARL - Your secret's safe with me. Unlike SOME PEOPLE.

STEPHEN - **jumps out from under a seat** WE WERE ON A REALITY SHOW!!!!

Back at the house, Carl and Paige find themselves alone in the kitchen...

CARL I really liked the way you fed that horse in front of the sign that said do not feed the horse.

PAIGE - What can I say? I live on the edge.

CARL  - Would you like to follow me into the pantry?

PAIGE - Last time someone said that to me, I ended up eating 16 ounces of dry linguine.

CARL You are a fascinating creature with very long nails and very yellow clothes. **they make out**

The End.

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