Wednesday, March 27, 2019
Summer House Recap, Season 3, Episode 4 - "Pantry Passion"
The group goes out to dinner...
KYLE - Not to start shit—I would NEVER start shit—but Jordan showed us some screenshots the other night...
HANNAH - We've already seen the one where Jonathan Cheban says "nice pic" on the Hinge motorcycle Instagram post.
JORDAN - Heh, that's a good one.
KYLE - No, this is one in which he is claiming Paige is into him and his weird abs.
PAIGE - Into JORDAN?!?
JORDAN - You know you want these. **lifts his shirt to show his weird abs**
PAIGE - We work together. I don't shit where I film myself wearing white pumps in front of a dumpster.
CARL - Ooooh, I'm finding this side of you very sexy, Paige.
PAIGE - Oh yeah? **giggles**
LINDSAY - Carl, care to join me outside? Talking about our long-term plans on the street seems most appropriate in the middle of a group dinner on a Friday night after you've just indicated your interest in someone.
CARL - Um, sure.
LINDSAY - **outside** So, what do you really want in this world?
CARL - A wife. Kids. A job that doesn't require me to go to networking events at the Doubletree conference room.
LINDSAY - Good. At least shoot for the Westin.
CARL - Can I... ...go back inside now?
LINDSAY - Yes.
Back at the house, Danielle corners Jordan in the kitchen...
DANIELLE - Pucker up, big boy.
JORDAN - Not in the kitchen.
DANIELLE - But the kitchen is the sexiest place in the home. Ever watch The Barefoot Contessa?
JORDAN - Helllllooo, DUH! Er, I meant, who?
DANIELLE - Let's try this again. Pucker up, big b—
JORDAN - Listen, I didn't think my penis could retreat further into my body than when we made out on July 4th. But here we are.
DANIELLE - I'm starting to get the impression you're not into me.
The gang takes a party bus to a winery...
LINDSAY - Dancing on a pole!
AMANDA - Making out!
KYLE - Chugging Fireball!
JORDAN - Telling a made-up story about how a woman licked my ass right after I lost my virginity and I kicked her in the face and she fell off a bunk bed!
CARL - So which part of that story was made up?
JORDAN - The part where it was a woman.
CARL - Your secret's safe with me. Unlike SOME PEOPLE.
STEPHEN - **jumps out from under a seat** WE WERE ON A REALITY SHOW!!!!
Back at the house, Carl and Paige find themselves alone in the kitchen...
CARL - I really liked the way you fed that horse in front of the sign that said do not feed the horse.
PAIGE - What can I say? I live on the edge.
CARL - Would you like to follow me into the pantry?
PAIGE - Last time someone said that to me, I ended up eating 16 ounces of dry linguine.
CARL - You are a fascinating creature with very long nails and very yellow clothes. **they make out**
The End.
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