Wednesday, March 13, 2019

Summer House Recap, Season 3, Episode 2 - "Cloudy with a Chance of Arguments"

The Tables Have Turned For Amanda Batula's and Kyle Cooke's Living Situation



Amanda and Kyle talk about their relationship...

AMANDA - Are you ready to grow up? I'm 22. The clock is ticking.

KYLE - Yes. Plus, I need you to move in with me. I've learned guacamole won't make itself.

AMANDA -  Just know that once you lose my trust, you can never get it back. Unless you black out and sleep with another girl. Then I will trust you right away and post coupley pics on social media.

KYLE -  Can we stage a pic where you're looking down and tucking your hair behind your ear, and I'm kissing the top of your head in front of a graffiti wall?

AMANDA - It's already on the calendar for the third Man Crush Monday in April.

KYLE - Made for each other.


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Carl gets to the summer house...

CARL -  Sales. Quotas. Quotas. Sales. **walks in on Jordan masturbating to internet church**  WHOA!

JORDAN -  I, uh, was just listening to a virtual sermon. I'm very spiritual.

CARL - I'll say.

JORDAN -  Please don't tell anyone. I have a very macho, manly image to protect.

CARL - Don't worry. You caught me at the end of the quarter. Sales. Quotas. Quotas. Sales. **walks out**

JORDAN - Damn you, sexy Joel Osteen.


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On the beach, the gang prepares for a confrontation...

JORDAN - Hey, uh, what's that sport people play with paddles on the beach?

HANNAH - Tennis?

JORDAN - No, NOT tennis. A personality would serve you well.

PAIGE - Jordan, that was a very sassy quip.

JORDAN -  Aw, thank you, dear. **clams up** Er, I meant, MANLY GRUNT.  **they leave before shit goes down**

LINDSAY - Let's clear the air.

KYLE - Sorry. That guacamole is potent.

DANIELLE - No, she means about our very adult feud about internet validation.

KYLE - I can't believe you unfollowed Amanda on Instagram. On one Flashback Friday, she posted a collage of me when I was five and her when she was five. And you missed that.

LINDSAY - You're right. Here, in front of the ocean and that syringe over there, I promise to never miss another Wine Down Wednesday or Tickle Taint Tuesday again.

KYLE - That's all I ask.


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The house occupants throw a 4th of July party...

KYLE - There is no day of the year better for partying than the day our forefathers freed the slaves and ratified the constitution of the amendments.

AMANDA - Ooooh history talk. VERY grown up.

DANIELLE - **to Lindsay** You know, I don't know if Jordan can handle me. I am a mythical mermaid creature who doubles as the most boring person on Earth.

LINDSAY - Well, he did just "get it in the hole" while we were playing bags.

DANIELLE - Did you just use a sexual entendre about Jordan? Oh god, you love him, too!

LINDSAY - I don't know if you've noticed, but lame sexual entendres make up 35% of the show.

DANIELLE -  If you like him, I'll back off. Clits before closet cases.

LINDSAY - I mean, I like him, but—

DANIELLE - Sweet, thanks. **makes out with Jordan**


THE END.

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