Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap, Season 9, Episode 13 - "Camels, Cabo and Catflights"

At dinner in Cabo....

MARGARET JOSEPHS - Jennifer, I'm sorry I said your lips look like a monkey's asshole. I should have said butthole to be less crass. 

JENNIFER AYDIN -  Apology accepted. But I still think you and your mom are whores. 

MARGARET JOSEPHS - We may be whores, but that's better than having a husband who's been accepting BJs from that male Ken doll dude from Botched. 

JENNIFER AYDIN - Okay, now you've crossed the line. He has his own patients who would offer him BJs —how dare you suggest he would stoop to the level of poaching a patient from Dr. Nassif and Dr. Dubrow?!?

MARGARET JOSEPHS - You're right. I said that to hurt you. Your husband is capable of procuring his own patients to accept BJs from.

JENNIFER AYDIN - That's very mature of you. Thank you.

DANIELLE STAUB - Well, this is disappointing. 

The next day...

JACKIE GOLDSCHNEIDER - Ladies, I have the best idea for an activity that's the most Mexican of Mexican things you can think of.

TERESA GIUDICE - Tacoses? 

JACKIE GOLDSCHNEIDER - Noooo....

MARGARET JOSEPHS - An authentic rebozo-weaving class? 

JACKIE GOLDSCHNEIDER - No. But I guess that would have been good, too.

DANIELLE STAUB -  I know! A Dirty Sanchez!

JACKIE GOLDSCHNEIDER - No, you slut. CAMEL RIDES!

**silence**

JACKIE GOLDSCHNEIDER - We'll make the guide refer to himself with a Middle-Eastern name?

JENNIFER AYDIN - Oh ok, sounds fun. 

MELISSA GORGA - Agreed. It will be a perfect opportunity to make lots of dated Sex in the City-era jokes about humps. 

JACKIE GOLDSCHNEIDER - That's the spirit. 

At dinner...

DANIELLE STAUB - Hey remember how Jennifer and Margaret were being mature and offering and accepting apologies? I don't like that. 

MARGARET JOSEPHS - Oh, I forgot you're here. 

DANIELLE STAUB - I'm here but you know who isn't? YOUR KIDS.

JACKIE GOLDSCHNEIDER -  It's not ok to bring children into it.

DANIELLE STAUB - I bring my children into it all the time. Usually they just watch from the closet. 

MARGARET JOSEPHS - **throws wine at Danielle** I would throw a table, but this is all the energy I can muster. 

TERESA GIUDICE - Amateur.

DANIELLE STAUB - Oh yeah? **breaks glass** 

MELISSA GORGA  - **picks glass shards out of her chin** Jennifer, that was a rude thing to do. 

JENNIFER AYDIN - To quote Shaggy and my husband when I found a photo of him in a compromising position with a penile-implant patient, it wasn't me! 

DANIELLE STAUB - It was me. Come at me, bro. 

MELISSA GORGA - Will do. If only so I can abandon my secret sister storyline. **lunges at Danielle**


To be continued...