Thursday, January 31, 2019

Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap, Season 9, Episode 13 - "Camels, Cabo and Catflights"

At dinner in Cabo....

MARGARET JOSEPHS - Jennifer, I'm sorry I said your lips look like a monkey's asshole. I should have said butthole to be less crass. 

JENNIFER AYDIN -  Apology accepted. But I still think you and your mom are whores. 

MARGARET JOSEPHS - We may be whores, but that's better than having a husband who's been accepting BJs from that male Ken doll dude from Botched

JENNIFER AYDIN Okay, now you've crossed the line. He has his own patients who would offer him BJs —how dare you suggest he would stoop to the level of poaching a patient from Dr. Nassif and Dr. Dubrow?!?

MARGARET JOSEPHS - You're right. I said that to hurt you. Your husband is capable of procuring his own patients to accept BJs from.

JENNIFER AYDIN That's very mature of you. Thank you.

DANIELLE STAUB - Well, this is disappointing. 

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The next day...

JACKIE GOLDSCHNEIDER - Ladies, I have the best idea for an activity that's the most Mexican of Mexican things you can think of.



MARGARET JOSEPHS - An authentic rebozo-weaving class? 

JACKIE GOLDSCHNEIDER - No. But I guess that would have been good, too.

DANIELLE STAUB -  I know! A Dirty Sanchez!



JACKIE GOLDSCHNEIDER - We'll make the guide refer to himself with a Middle-Eastern name?

JENNIFER AYDIN Oh ok, sounds fun. 

MELISSA GORGA - Agreed. It will be a perfect opportunity to make lots of dated Sex in the City-era jokes about humps. 

JACKIE GOLDSCHNEIDER - That's the spirit. 

At dinner...

DANIELLE STAUB - Hey remember how Jennifer and Margaret were being mature and offering and accepting apologies? I don't like that. 

MARGARET JOSEPHS - Oh, I forgot you're here. 

DANIELLE STAUB - I'm here but you know who isn't? YOUR KIDS.

JACKIE GOLDSCHNEIDER -  It's not ok to bring children into it.

DANIELLE STAUB - I bring my children into it all the time. Usually they just watch from the closet. 

MARGARET JOSEPHS - **throws wine at Danielle** I would throw a table, but this is all the energy I can muster. 


DANIELLE STAUB - Oh yeah? **breaks glass** 

MELISSA GORGA  - **picks glass shards out of her chin** Jennifer, that was a rude thing to do. 

JENNIFER AYDIN To quote Shaggy and my husband when I found a photo of him in a compromising position with a penile-implant patient, it wasn't me! 

DANIELLE STAUB - It was me. Come at me, bro. 

MELISSA GORGA - Will do. If only so I can abandon my secret sister storyline. **lunges at Danielle**

To be continued... 

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