Tuesday, July 1, 2014

The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 11 - "Making Woo-Hoo-Py"

Shannon Beador and Vicki Gunvalson.
 Vicki shows the Beadors to their twin bed in Puerto Vallarta...

VICKI GUNVALSON - I want to hear some bed springs bouncing! Er eeee er eeee!

SHANNON BEADOR - Well, thank you for your hospitality, and, uh, relationship advice.

VICKI GUNVALSON - No probs. Brooks and I have what some would call "an epic love story for the ages", so....

BROOKS AYERS - I heard my name. Does somebody need a rubbie on the quinny?

DAVID BEADOR -  Hi, Brooks. Didn't know if you knew we were in here...

BROOKS AYERS - Oh, I knew.

DAVID BEADOR - **whispers to Shannon** This is getting fucking weird.

SHANNON BEADOR - And what the fuck is a quinny?

Heather visits Lizzie's home...

LIZZIE ROVSEK - I wanted your advice on how to balance a fake career with marriage and kids.

HEATHER DUBROW -  Easy. Turn your nitpicky verbal abuse into foreplay. And onion rings in moderation.

LIZZIE ROVSEK - Christian wants me to have another baby. He doesn't take the slutty bathing suit business seriously.

HEATHER DUBROW - But what do you want?

LIZZIE ROVSEK - It's not about what I want. It's what God wants.

HEATHER DUBROW -  Oh Christ. You're one of those.

LIZZIE ROVSEK - He said to me "Lizzie,  keep making camel toe-minimizing swimwear for the masses. But also pass on your amazing gibbly bits to as many offspring as possible."

HEATHER DUBROW - You and Bellino must be taking the same drugs.

At the Judge household...

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Um, where are you going?

EDDIE JUDGE - On a bike ride with Slade.

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - I don't think so. He's no longer allowed on camera.

EDDIE JUDGE - Perfect. What we plan on doing after the bike ride isn't suitable for basic cable anyway.

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Eddie, Astro Judge is our storyline now, so you must strap him to your breast.

EDDIE JUDGE - **stabs Astro Judge in the heart, straps him in a sling** Fine. Bye. **leaves**

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Fuck. **Googles "reality show storyline ideas** 

At dinner in Puerto Vallarta...

BROOKS AYERS - The keys to a perfect relationship are love affirmations, regular trips to the dentist, and total financial dependence. **winks**

DAVID BEADOR - **to waiter** I'll have a tequila rendered tasteless with water, please.

SHANNON BEADOR - Oh, so you're into tequila now?


SHANNON BEADOR -  Um, will you all excuse us?  **they leave the table**

UNCLE BILLY - I give these fuckers my California king and this is how they behave?

VICKI GUNVALSON - Like you even need a California king, Peter Dinklage. 

SHANNON BEADOR - We're back.

DAVID BEADOR - We resolved things by thinking about Brooks in a towel.

SHANNON BEADOR - That'll take the fight out of anybody.

BROOKS AYERS - I'll drink to that. **holds up his glass**


No comments:

Post a Comment

web statistics
Wall Street Journal