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| Shannon Beador and Vicki Gunvalson. |
VICKI GUNVALSON - I want to hear some bed springs bouncing! Er eeee er eeee!
SHANNON BEADOR - Well, thank you for your hospitality, and, uh, relationship advice.
VICKI GUNVALSON - No probs. Brooks and I have what some would call "an epic love story for the ages", so....
BROOKS AYERS - I heard my name. Does somebody need a rubbie on the quinny?
DAVID BEADOR - Hi, Brooks. Didn't know if you knew we were in here...
BROOKS AYERS - Oh, I knew.
DAVID BEADOR - **whispers to Shannon** This is getting fucking weird.
SHANNON BEADOR - And what the fuck is a quinny?
Heather visits Lizzie's home...
LIZZIE ROVSEK - I wanted your advice on how to balance a fake career with marriage and kids.
HEATHER DUBROW - Easy. Turn your nitpicky verbal abuse into foreplay. And onion rings in moderation.
LIZZIE ROVSEK - Christian wants me to have another baby. He doesn't take the slutty bathing suit business seriously.
HEATHER DUBROW - But what do you want?
LIZZIE ROVSEK - It's not about what I want. It's what God wants.
HEATHER DUBROW - Oh Christ. You're one of those.
LIZZIE ROVSEK - He said to me "Lizzie, keep making camel toe-minimizing swimwear for the masses. But also pass on your amazing gibbly bits to as many offspring as possible."
HEATHER DUBROW - You and Bellino must be taking the same drugs.
.
At the Judge household...
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Um, where are you going?
EDDIE JUDGE - On a bike ride with Slade.
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - I don't think so. He's no longer allowed on camera.
EDDIE JUDGE - Perfect. What we plan on doing after the bike ride isn't suitable for basic cable anyway.
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Eddie, Astro Judge is our storyline now, so you must strap him to your breast.
EDDIE JUDGE - **stabs Astro Judge in the heart, straps him in a sling** Fine. Bye. **leaves**
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Fuck. **Googles "reality show storyline ideas**
At dinner in Puerto Vallarta...
BROOKS AYERS - The keys to a perfect relationship are love affirmations, regular trips to the dentist, and total financial dependence. **winks**
DAVID BEADOR - **to waiter** I'll have a tequila rendered tasteless with water, please.
SHANNON BEADOR - Oh, so you're into tequila now?
DAVID BEADOR - DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT, BITCH?
SHANNON BEADOR - Um, will you all excuse us? **they leave the table**
UNCLE BILLY - I give these fuckers my California king and this is how they behave?
VICKI GUNVALSON - Like you even need a California king, Peter Dinklage.
SHANNON BEADOR - We're back.
DAVID BEADOR - We resolved things by thinking about Brooks in a towel.
SHANNON BEADOR - That'll take the fight out of anybody.
BROOKS AYERS - I'll drink to that. **holds up his glass**
THE END.
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