Wednesday, July 2, 2014

The Real Housewives of New York City Recap, Episode 17 - "Bury the Hatchet"

Kristen Taekman and Ramona Singer

Kristen takes the gang "glamping"...

SONJA MORGAN - My beauty sleep gets cut 20 minutes short, and look what happens. **points to detached eyelid**

RAMONA SINGER - Oh wow. I didn't realize.

SONJA MORGAN - I'll get over it. There are men here young enough to have wet dreams. **winks at one with detached eyelid**

BUTLER - I'm 37, ma'am. And your eye is frightening me.

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Isn't this nice, girls? Glasses with stems!

RAMONA SINGER - Calcutta seems nice after having to use a MIXING BOWL for ICE.

SONJA MORGAN - Not everyone's a hostess, unfortunately.

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Probably because not everyone has literally worked as a hostess at a restaurant before.

SONJA MORGAN - Hey, that was an honest living. Before I trapped a rich old dude, that is. 

Before dinner...

HEATHER THOMSON - Move it, bitch.

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Oh, so now I'm a bitch?

HEATHER THOMSON - You're a bitch if I say you're a bitch, BITCH.

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Something tells me you use that exact phrase on Jonathan before shoving a dildo up his ass.

CAROLE RADZIWILL - Hey, now. Criticizing her husband is a step too far.

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Your rodeo dress is a step too far. **leaves table**

SONJA MORGAN - Wait... is shoving a dildo up a man's ass a bad thing now?

At a hoe-down, the ladies throw hatchets...

RAMONA SINGER - I don't know why we're throwing knives. They've always treated me well. **smooths facial skin**

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Heather, can I talk to you in private? **leads her to a stream**

HEATHER THOMSON - Yo, dogg, what's your beef?

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - "Beef?" I thought you were friends with P. Diddy, not Freddie Boom-Boom Washington.

HEATHER THOMSON - I'm a friend of ALL black people. Which is more than I can say for you after what you said about my husband.

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Isn't your husband Jewish?

HEATHER THOMSON - What? **sips Heineken, belches**

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Sounds like something's stirring in the woods.

HEATHER THOMSON - It's stupid Carole in a bear suit. 

CAROLE RADZIWILL - Way to ruin the surprise. This suit cost six hundred dollars.  

SONJA MORGAN - I could have lent you the one I wore to a convention in Pittsburgh. It needs a dry cleaning, though. A very, very thorough dry cleaning.


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