Thursday, July 3, 2014

Catfish: The TV Show Recap, Episode 9 - "Jeff & Megan"



Jeff


Nev and Max meet Jeff in Jacksonville, Florida...

JEFF - I'm in love with an internet person named Megan. Also, I'm in the military, but not in the cool way where you get to be an officer.

MAX JOSEPH - So in the dumb way where even community colleges would claim they were "at capacity"?

JEFF -  Right.

NEV SCHULMAN - What first attracted you to Megan?

JEFF -   Her Siberian Husky.

MAX JOSEPH -Ah, so she's into the natural look, Seventies-style.

JEFF -  And how even when people are mean to her, she's still nice to them.

MAX JOSEPH - And she's a sub? You got a keeper on your hands.

NEV SCHULMAN - Have you sent her any... Richard pics?

JEFF -  Who is Richard? I don't know anybody named Richard.

MAX JOSEPH - Johnson pics, bro.

JEFF -  Mrs. Johnson, my speech pathology coach? Haven't seen her in years.

NEV SCHULMAN -Your PENIS, Jeff.

JEFF -  Oh. Yes, of course. With my face in it, like you're supposed to.

NEV SCHULMAN - Ugh. **hangs his head in his hands**

JEFF - Is that bad?




Nev and Max sit down to research...

NEV SCHULMAN - Husky memes on Megan's page, Husky memes on Brandy's page. Aaaaand our research is done.

MAX JOSEPH -  Totes.

NEV SCHULMAN - So are you ready to go to Dallas, then?

MAX JOSEPH -  Yep! Let's do it!

NEV SCHULMAN - No "let's." You're going, and I'm going to stay here to make sure Jeff can tie his shoes.

MAX JOSEPH - Wait... I have to go ALONE? I want to stay here with you, Nev!

NEV SCHULMAN - You can do it.

MAX JOSEPH - No no no not without YOU!

NEV SCHULMAN - If you do it we'll get you fitted for skinny jeans.

MAX JOSEPH - Anybody got a plastic baggy for my liquids?




In Dallas...

MAX JOSEPH - Here I am. At a suuuuper creeeeepy 90s-era suburban apartment complex

PRODUCER - Take it easy, Bear Grylls.

MAX JOSEPH - You try narrating on your own, asshole! **throws camera at him**

BRANDY TITTLE - Hi.

MAX JOSEPH - Brandy? You're not so bad!

BRANDY TITTLE - Gee, thanks.

MAX JOSEPH - I mean, usually when we get fat people, they're, like, fat people.

BRANDY TITTLE -You can stop now.

MAX JOSEPH - Sorry.


   
In Jacksonville, Brandy meets Jeff...

MAX JOSEPH - Here, wear this sweatshirt to really make you unattractive. 

BRANDY TITTLE - Ok. **puts it on over her dress**

JEFF - Megan would never wear a... a... sweatshirt. **spits in disgust**

BRANDY TITTLE - I'm sorry. I was once in an abusive relationship and find comfort in outerwear.

JEFF - Why did you do this to me? I'd never hurt a fly. Iraqis, sure, but not flies.

BRANDY TITTLE - Everything was true. Except for the nurse thing. And the thin pictures. And my family emergency.

JEFF - Do you even have a Siberian husky?

BRANDY TITTLE -  It's an Alaskan husky.

JEFF -  LIES!!!

NEV SCHULMAN -  **takes Jeff aside** Hey, man. I don't see a line of girls outside your place.

JEFF - When do girls ever line up, except for the bathroom?

MAX JOSEPH - Not the brightest one we've ever had.

NEV SCHULMAN - What I meant to say is NOONE ELSE WANTS TO FUCK YOU SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL GO FOR BRANDY.

JEFF - Oh. Ok.



THE END.

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