Thursday, July 10, 2014

Catfish: The TV Show Recap, Episode 10 - "Blake & Kiersten"







Sarah Grace and the Hoff


Nev and Max Skype with Blake...

NEV SCHULMAN -  Let's meet Buh-lock-ay.

BLAKE MCCARTY - It's pronounced "Blake."

MAX JOSEPH - Somebody hates Comedy Central shows featuring black comedians.

BLAKE MCCARTY - Ok, you got me there.

NEV SCHULMAN - So tell us about your "hot mama", as the kids say.

BLAKE MCCARTY - Well, she was a sports enthusiast with the looks of a 2006 transgender porn star who once ate Wendy's off of David Hasselhoff's FUPA.

NEV SCHULMAN -  Was? So she's dead now.

MAX JOSEPH - As if we'd expect any less of a 2006 transgender porn star.

BLAKE MCCARTY - No, it turns out she's a sports enthusiastic with hair the color of feces.

NEV SCHULMAN -  Whomp whomp. **sad trombone noise**

BLAKE MCCARTY - Tell me about it. If I wanted someone with brown hair I'd meet people in real life.





Nev and Max sit down to research at a racist coffee shop in Houston...

NEV SCHULMAN -  Ok, so here's the 2006 transgender porn star, Sarah Grace.

MAX JOSEPH - Somebody clearly used Big Ange as their plastic surgery template.

NEV SCHULMAN -  Kendra came clean with Blake and said she's not Sarah Grace, but actually this person, a MILF with poo-brown hair.

MAX JOSEPH - Ew. But still kind of hot.

NEV SCHULMAN - Let's Skype with Sarah Grace and give her a platform for the D list fame she so clearly craves.

SARAH GRACE - Hi. **starts to cry, while pouting collagen lips** I've been victimized!!!!

NEV SCHULMAN - **slams laptop shut** That's enough of that.

MAX JOSEPH - Let's talk to the MILF with the shit hair.

NEV SCHULMAN - Ok. But I've got to warn you she lives in Michigan.

MAX JOSEPH - Then let's not.



At the Hilton Garden Inn...

MAX JOSEPH - Nev, I smell a rat. A fat-girl rat.

NEV SCHULMAN - Me too. Let's call Kendra's cell phone. **calls** Hi, Kendra? This is Nev Schulman from the show Catfish.

KENDRA SHAY - Oh christ. What do you fuckers want?

NEV SCHULMAN - We want to talk with you about Blake.

KENDRA SHAY - Blake and I will deal with this on our own. What we have is REAL and TRUE.

MAX JOSEPH - Real and true enough that you'd stop eating Carl's Jr. for a week if he asked you to?

KENDRA SHAY - I'll meet you at the park by my house.



At a park in Coeur D' Alene, Idaho...

MAX JOSEPH - Hey, look! A runner!

NEV SCHULMAN - Um, have we ever had a person who runs on this show?

MAX JOSEPH - True.

KENDRA SHAY - I'm Kendra. Let's make this quick, breakfast at McDonald's ends at 11. Er, I meant, my son is in the hospital.

BLAKE MCCARTY - How could you do this to me?

KENDRA SHAY - How could YOU do this to ME? I deserve better than to be trotted out on national television like some kind of lying, manipulative chunkster.

**silence**

KENDRA SHAY - Nobody wants to even refute the chunkster part?




Back at the lobby of the Country Inn & Suites...

NEV SCHULMAN -  So, why did you make up a fake profile in the first place?

KENDRA SHAY -What? Sorry I didn't hear you, I was CHECKING MY PHONE TO SEE IF MY SICK SON CALLED.

MAX JOSEPH - He asked why you made up a fake profile, as if the answer wasn't painfully obvious.

KENDRA SHAY -Well, I'm in high demand at local clubs, which says a lot about the Coeur D' Alene region. Me and a bunch of other equally attractive girls make fake profiles to throw off the panting mass of men.

MAX JOSEPH - Equally attractive girls? Like who?

KENDRA SHAY -Sarah Grace does it.

MAX JOSEPH - No, she doesn't.

KENDRA SHAY -Yes, she does. I swear on my sick's son's life. **gets a text** Well, he's dead.

BLAKE MCCARTY - I'm sorry.

KENDRA SHAY - How about a roll in the hay for a grieving mother?

BLAKE MCCARTY - Not a chance.


THE END.




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