Thursday, June 26, 2014

Catfish: The TV Show Recap, Episode 8 - "Miranda & Cameryn"


At an economy hotel in Minnesota...

NEV SCHULMAN - Look, Max! An email from Minnesota, where we happen to be right now!

MAX JOSEPH -  So we're stuck eating lutefisk for another week? Fuck me.

NEV SCHULMAN - "Dear Nev and Max: I have fallen in love with two people."

MAX JOSEPH - Piiiiimp.

NEV SCHULMAN - "But they're both the same person."

MAX JOSEPH - Duuuumb.

NEV SCHULMAN -  "After seeing your show, I decided to use a computer to investigate."

MAX JOSEPH - A computer? Wow.

NEV SCHULMAN - "What I found will shock you."

MAX JOSEPH - Shock me more than the taste of gelatinous whitefish made with lye? Doubt it.

Nev and Max visit Miranda's house in Owatonna, MN...

MIRANDA EASTBURN - Welcome to Owatonna!

NEV SCHULMAN - We're sort of happy to be here!

MIRANDA EASTBURN - This is my mother. She has Crohn's disease.

MAX JOSEPH -  Smooth introduction.

NEV SCHULMAN - Wow, Miranda, your clothes are, um, Midwestern.

MIRANDA EASTBURN - Thank you. I love fashion. I spend all my time at the mall.

MAX JOSEPH - **whispers to Nev** We're in a place where people think Maurice's is Givenchy.


MIRANDA EASTBURN - You see, I was in love with hot guy Cameryn, who turned out to be less hot guy James. Now I'm worried he's an even less hot guy.

NEV SCHULMAN - Have you taken steps to meet him?

MIRANDA EASTBURN - Yes. I planned to move to Santa Monica, but I was afraid the whole town would laugh at me.

MAX JOSEPH - I mean, the idea of leaving a flat shit-town with one gay guy to move to California is pretty absurd.

Max and Nev sit down to research...

MAX JOSEPH - So this idiot has been Catfished twice by the same person.

NEV SCHULMAN - Hey, she had the wherewithal to do a Google image search, which we didn't figure out until episode four.

MAX JOSEPH - Oh, look. When you search the phone number, a perfectly normal half-Asian dude shows up.

NEV SCHULMAN - Dull. We better show her a sex offender to ramp things up. And not a hot sex offender, either.

MAX JOSEPH - Here's one with crazy eyes.


They present their findings to Miranda...

NEV SCHULMAN - Here's who we think James is.

MIRANDA EASTBURN - He looks nice.

NEV SCHULMAN - And here's a picture of a sex offender.

MIRANDA EASTBURN - What makes you think it's him?

NEV SCHULMAN - Um... We just do.


MAX JOSEPH - Good reaction.

NEV SCHULMAN   - Our next step is to fly to Georgia, where our Catfish will refuse to meet with us, thus causing our angry producers to slash our budget in half for season four.

At the Hilton Garden Inn in Marietta, GA, the group skypes with "James"...

NEV SCHULMAN - James? Are you there?


MAX JOSEPH - Omg it's SNL star Keenan Thompson!

GABBY MOORE - I wish. I am a lady.


GABBY MOORE - A lady with desires for other ladies.

NEV SCHULMAN - So are you, like, a lesbian?

GABBY MOORE - I don't like labels.

NEV SCHULMAN - Sure. Well, meet Miranda.

MIRANDA EASTBURN - Hi. I loved you in Goodburger.

GABBY MOORE -  Aw. Thank you.

Nev and Max skype with Miranda...

NEV SCHULMAN - So, how's life?

MIRANDA EASTBURN - Great. I've fallen in love with Gabby. But I fall in love with the person, not the gender.

MAX JOSEPH - Saying you love the person is the first step toward marching in the pride parade dressed as Latoya Jackson.

MIRANDA EASTBURN - Well, Gabby is coming to visit me next week.

MAX JOSEPH - So are you two going to scissor?

MIRANDA EASTBURN - That's private. But yes.



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