Teen Mom 2 Recap, Episode 1 - "Keep It Together"

Leah Messer Calvert

Leah meets Corey in a parking lot...

COREY SIMMS - Ali told me she has muscular dystrophy. I don't know where she's getting these crazy ideas.

LEAH MESSER CALVERT - Um, she does.

COREY SIMMS - No, she doesn't.

LEAH MESSER CALVERT - Yes, she does. She needs a wheelchair.

COREY SIMMS - They said that about my Uncle Terry and now look at him.

LEAH MESSER CALVERT - Your Uncle Terry died in 2007.

COREY SIMMS - Doesn't matter. I'm going to be walking Ali down the aisle, because that is the most important moment in a female's life.

LEAH MESSER CALVERT - Important enough that I plan to do it three times.

COREY SIMMS - So things with Cory #2 are crappier than a portable mining toilet?

LEAH MESSER CALVERT - I didn't put a really kewl pink bow in my hair to be spoken to like this. **turns to leave**

COREY SIMMS - Please don't go I'll do anything to keep talking to you.

LEAH MESSER CALVERT - Bah. **means Bye in West Virginian**

At Papa Randalicious's house...

CHELSEA HOUSKA - Adam's going back to jail.

RANDY HOUSKA - Aw, what a shame. He had so much career and personal potential.

CHELSEA HOUSKA -Speaking of, looks like I won't be able to get my cosmetology license because I helped stupid Landon do hair for a wedding.

RANDY HOUSKA - How are you going to keep making payments on your house without your license?

CHELSEA HOUSKA - **stares at Randy**

RANDY HOUSKA - Oh christ.

At the Marroquin estate...

KAILYN LOWRY MARROQUIN - It's pathetic that my one joy in life is going to Wal-Mart, but that's where I'm at right now.

JAVI MARROQUIN - Didn't you get joy out of seeing Isaac reject Jo?

KAILYN LOWRY MARROQUIN - Oh yeah. That too.

JAVI MARROQUIN - Well, no Wal-Mart for you, I'm afraid. I'm tired of watching this weird thing in a bear costume.

KAILYN LOWRY MARROQUIN - I NEED MY EQUATE GENERIC FACEWASH! **leaves to go to Wal-Mart**

JAVI MARROQUIN - Damn. Marrying an emotionally-stunted mother and reproducing with her at the age of 21 isn't as cool as I thought it would be.

Jenelle and Nathan visit Babs...

NATHAN GRIFFITH -  We've got some news for you.

BARBARA EVANS - You got your fourth DUI?

JENELLE EVANS - No. We're having another son to ignore.

NATHAN GRIFFITH - His name is going to be Kaiser, which is German for Emperor.

JENELLE EVANS -  He's going to be the Emperor of Chaser's Sports Bar, just like his daddy.

NATHAN GRIFFITH - I'm staying out of jail this time, so I can be there for all of my childs.

BARBARA EVANS - That's great news. I just hope you can stay off of the weed this time, Jenelle.

JENELLE EVANS - FUCK YOU, CUNT!

JACE EVANS - Yeah, fuck you, cunt.

NATHAN GRIFFITH - Nice parenting, Barbara.


THE END.