Tuesday, June 24, 2014

The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 10 - "Skunk in the Barnyard"

Vicki Gunvalson and Brooks Ayers

 Vicki and Brooks get a couples massage in Puerto Vallarta...

VICKI GUNVALSON - Ah, Mexico. Home of Lizzies.

BROOKS AYERS - So what's all this hoopla about David and Shannon? Sounds like he needs to give her the ol' Brooks Ayers Sensual Seduction Part 2. 

VICKI GUNVALSON - I agree. A relationship can't survive without sex. **flops over to reveal her naked breasts** 

BROOKS AYERS - Ain't that the truth, lil' lady. **also flops over to reveal his penis**

MASSAGE THERAPIST I - I guess I'll never be in a relationship, because I'm never having sex again.**dry heaves**

MASSAGE THERAPIST II - **starts to puke**

VICKI GUNVALSON - I guess they didn't listen when they were told not to drink the water.

 At the Judge house...

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - I got you a gift.

EDDIE JUDGE - Danielle's husband on a Schwinn?

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - No. A robot baby.

EDDIE JUDGE -  Sweet, something for me to kick at Ryan when he forgets to fold the towels.

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - It's for practice. For when we have a baby.

EDDIE JUDGE - Oh Christ. We're still going with that storyline?

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Got any other suggestions?

EDDIE JUDGE -  None that don't involve Joe Gregorio.

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Hey, doesn't this baby look like Troy?

EDDIE JUDGE - It looks about like what I expected a baby of a 47-year-old woman to look like.

Shannon appears at the door of the Dubrow estate...

HEATHER DUBROW - Terry, look who's here! It's Shannon with a poem about how she's sorry she yelled at me at her house!

SHANNON BEADOR -  That's... Not why I'm here.

HEATHER DUBROW -  Apology crepes?


HEATHER DUBROW -  Lo siento salad?

SHANNON BEADOR - No. I'm here to ask why you're spreading rumors about my marriage around Newport Beach.

HEATHER DUBROW - Because Tamra told me about it, and I don't like you. BYE.



SHANNON BEADOR - Fine. But I'm taking this with me. **grabs vodka soda**

TERRY DUBROW - Come back soon!



Shannon invites an Essential Oil Lady to her house...

ESSENTIAL OIL LADY - Rub the essential oils over your fingertips, and then spread over your exposed breast tops. That's right. Reeaaaaaal slow.

SHANNON BEADOR -  These essential oils remind me of when MRS. HEATHER DUBROW KICKED ME OUT OF HER HOUSE.

LIZZIE ROVSEK -  You, like, know we're friends with Heather, too, right?

SHANNON BEADOR -  Is that so? Does Heather invite you to feel essential oils?

LIZZIE ROVSEK - She sends Hermes bags directly to our homes.

DANIELLE GREGORIO - We didn't even have to show up at her house to get them.

SHANNON BEADOR - Well, did you know she also accused me of drinking too much?

DANIELLE GREGORIO - Every party we go to you end up locking yourself in the bathroom with a bottle of Cinnabon vodka.

SHANNON BEADOR - Oh yeah? Sounds like somebody could use some GAY HUSBAND oil!!!

DANIELLE GREGORIO - That didn't even make sense.

LIZZIE ROVSEK - Just smile and stuff the oil droppers in your underwear.


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