Monday, June 9, 2014

The Challenge: Free Agents Recap, Episode 9 - "Best Friends for Never"

Dug Out.

 TJ shows the group the hallways they will be running through for Dug Out...

TJ LAVIN - Today, you guys are going to attempt to inflict TJ Lavin-levels of brain damage on your competition.

JOHNNY BANANAS - We could have saved the production team some energy and just run through Theresa's lady canals.

THERESA GONZALEZ - I gotta admit, I would not hate that.  

TJ LAVIN - Enough chatter. I forgot my hat today and my scalp is very sensitive to sunlight. Ready, set, go!

NANY GONZALEZ - **gets whacked running through hall** TJ, I think it's safe to say you and I could spend all day on a People Magazine crossword puzzle and not complete it.

TJ LAVIN - It feels good to finally have company.

Later on that night...

CARA MARIA SORBELLO - Welp, time to get some sleep.

LAUREL STUCKEY - Shut the fuck up, Roots.

CARA MARIA SORBELLO - Sorry, they don't sell Manic Panic in Uruguay.

LAUREL STUCKEY - **whispers to Jessica** What a loser, am I right?

JESSICA MCAIN - Totally. Want to talk about... BOYS?!?!


After Cohutta is voted into the draw...

COHUTTA GRINDSTAFF - I'm sure you did all you could to save me.

NANY GONZALEZ - Eh, I grimaced a little when your name was mentioned, but they may have just thought I was farting.

COHUTTA GRINDSTAFF  - If I'm sent home tonight, just know that I'll wait for you forever.

JOHNNY REILLY - Can somebody help me shave my pubes?

NANY GONZALEZ - Sorry, Cohutta. Gotta go.

Leroy pulls the kill card, and beats Cohutta in Balls In...

LEROY GARRETT -  You really gave me a run for my money.


LEROY GARRETT -  I know. I was trying to be nice.

COHUTTA GRINDSTAFF  - Nany, it's been magical.


COHUTTA GRINDSTAFF  -We really made a connection.


COHUTTA GRINDSTAFF  - I can't wait until you move into my log cabin in the Georgia wilderness.

NANY GONZALEZ - Yeah, fuuuuuuck that.

Cara Maria pulls the kill card...

CARA MARIA SORBELLO - The Challenge gods must hate my guts. 

LAUREL STUCKEY - Join the club!

CARA MARIA SORBELLO - Um, ok. **plays Balls In against Jessica**

LAUREL STUCKEY - C'mon, Jess! Make her wish she never told us to stop talking about boys when she was trying to sleep!

CARA MARIA SORBELLO - Crap, my hand feels like Big Easy feel asleep on it. **beats Jessica**

TJ LAVIN - Sorry, Jessica. This ends your time in somewhere cooler than North Carolina.

CT TAMBURELLO - Hey, what's Laurel eating over there?

LAUREL STUCKEY - I just gave birth to Jordan's child when I squatted to take a dump in the chaparral. Mmmmm, tendons.

ZACH NICHOLS - Um, can we get some security guards back at the house tonight?

TJ LAVIN - That's out of our budget. This isn't Catfish.



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