Monday, June 16, 2014

The Challenge: Free Agents Recap, Episode 10 - "Talk to the Hand"

Cara Maria and CT

 TJ introduces the Crossover challenge...

TJ LAVIN - Today, you guys are going to trudge through Aneesa's excrement after a spoiled Uruguayan meal.

ANEESA FERREIRA - I stuck around just to provide the obstacles for this challenge. **winks**

LAUREL STUCKEY - **wades through Aneesa's BM** I thought... this would be... watery-er...

ANEESA FERREIRA - Sorry I couldn't produce the results you wanted on cue. Jesus.

CARA MARIA - Oh, sweet. Now that we've walked through Aneesa's shit, I get to dig dirt with only one hand.

ZACH NICHOLS - That's called an Oklahoma Tuesday for our dearly-departed Jordan.

**Johnny and Nany win**

Johnny and Nany meet with CT at a conference table...

JOHNNY BANANAS - It's fun pretending that we're in a business meeting, seeing as none of us will ever have actual jobs.
CT TAMBURELLO - You're late with the Feldman file, sir! Hahahahahaha!

JOHNNY BANANAS - **face goes blank** We're voting you in.


Laurel visits Cara Maria after she returns from the hospital...

LAUREL STUCKEY - I just wanted to make sure you're ok.

CARA MARIA SORBELLO - That's the first thing you have to say to me?

LAUREL STUCKEY - Um... I bleached my mustache this morning in anticipation of meeting with you?

CARA MARIA SORBELLO - No. I was expecting an apology.

LAUREL STUCKEY - Oh. Right. I'm really sorry for treating you worse than I once treated an overweight ginger in a hot tub.

CARA MARIA SORBELLO - Apology NOT accepted.

LAUREL STUCKEY - Wait, what? That's not how this is supposed to go. You're supposed to accept and then make me a bowl of Special K Red Berries.

CARA MARIA SORBELLO - I'm not going to be your one-handed surrogate for the love you lost.

LAUREL STUCKEY - I hope not. If you knew the things he did to me at night with that stump, you'd be sick.

At a restaurant, Theresa gets cozy with Nany...

THERESA GONZALEZ - So then I said "If I wanted to suck a dick for free, I'd just cross out my name on my license and replace it with Dustin Zito!"

NANY GONZALEZ - HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh man, Theresa, you are cracking me UP tonight!

THERESA GONZALEZ - Well, you're just a fantastic audience.

CARA MARIA SORBELLO - This is bullshit. Theresa's just trying to get in Nany's good graces.

THERESA GONZALEZ - I'm sorry, Cara Maria. Did you say something? I can't hear you over Nany's deafening beauty.

At the selection ceremony...

JOHNNY BANANAS - Cara Maria, my vote is for you.

NANY GONZALEZ - I'm going to vote for Theresa. I take mercy on the weak, which explains my relationship with Cohutta.

CARA MARIA SORBELLO - Looks like Theresa's campaign strategy worked.

THERESA GONZALEZ - I'm sorry, Cara Maria. Did you say something? I can't hear you over Nany's FUGLY-ASS FACE.

NANY GONZALEZ - You said last night my beauty was deafening!

THERESA GONZALEZ - It's called sucking asshole, you idiot.

TJ LAVIN - Johnny and Nany, you guys have to re-vote until you agree, or I'm going to take my hat off in the light of day.

NANY GONZALEZ - Shit, shit, ok. I vote for Cara Maria, too.

THERESA GONZALEZ - Thank you, pretty lady.

Leroy pulls kill card for Wrecking Wall...

CT TAMBURELLO - Just like in a business meeting, I'm going to Xerox your ass and fax it to the world.

LEROY GARRETT - I don't think anybody even uses fax machines anymore. Or uses "Xerox" as a verb.

CT TAMBURELLO -  Whatever. Jobs are for nerds.

LAUREL STUCKEY - My turn. **pulls kill card** Hey, no fair. Cara Maria has a hand covered in hard plaster!

CARA MARIA SORBELLO - But you have a whole body covered in evil monster pubes.


To be continued...

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