Tuesday, June 17, 2014

The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 9 - "Not a Good Day LA"

Briana and Ryan Culberson

At Briana's "Gender Reveal" party...

MICHAEL WOLFSMITH - Wow. You look so fat.

BRIANA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - I'm pregnant. That's why we're all here.


BRIANA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - Ryan and I forced the ultrasound tech at gunpoint to purchase balloons at Party City.

RYAN CULBERSON - Surprises are very important to us. 

VICKI GUNVALSON - I hope it's a girl. We can get facelifts together when I live to be 200.

BRIANA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - Having a barely-one year-old, I'm an expert in child-rearing. And boys are just so much easier.

VICKI GUNVALSON - Wait until they start jerking off to MILF porn in their room while all your friends are downstairs.

MICHAEL WOLFSMITH - Mother, please.

 On the set of Good Day LA...

HEATHER DUBROW - And when we come back, we'll chat with the owners of some weird fitness studio, and a TURTLE WHO LOVES CHOCOLATE! **goes off air**

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Heather, I just wanted to make sure we -

HEATHER DUBROW - Sorry, gotta go change my underwear after that kiss with Steve Edwards.

GOOD DAY LA PRODUCER - And we're live in five, four, three...

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Crap! I don't know how to come off well on television!

EDDIE JUDGE - Ain't that the truth. 

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Um, Eddie, just bounce around on your hands.


TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - **to camera** CUT Fitness is unique and unlike any other studio. We have classes, personal training, and even treadmills.

GOOD DAY LA PRODUCER - And that's a wrap!

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - What happened to Heather?

GOOD DAY LA PRODUCER - The Steve Edwards kiss byproduct got all over her pants, too.



At the Rovsek residence...

LIZZIE ROVSEK - Pageants, back-poop, swimsuits, babies, cuts, Kentucky.

CHRISTIAN ROVSEK - I suspect our appearance on this show is going to take a Quinn Fry-like trajectory.

LIZZIE ROVSEK - So you mean I'll end up wearing a zany blond wig?


Shannon visits Tamra...

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - I'm so flattered you came to talk to me.

SHANNON BEADOR - Well, I needed to talk to someone very badly. Anyone with a pulse, really.

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Aw. That's sweet.

SHANNON BEADOR - David wrote me a disturbing email saying he wants to move out.

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Wait - your own husband wrote you an email? Was Twitter down?

SHANNON BEADOR - We rarely have time to connect because he goes to bed at 8:30, and I stay up late to prepare for my day of doing absolutely nothing.

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - As someone with two divorces and a current relationship based on Lady Gaga sex under my belt, I advise you to run for the hills.

SHANNON BEADOR - He'll be the one living in the hills with all the money he'll get from the I. Magnin empire.

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - You'll just have do what all divorcees in Orange County do. Move to Ladera Ranch.

SHANNON BEADOR - Oh Christ. Then divorce is definitely not an option.

To be continued...

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