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| Briana and Ryan Culberson |
At Briana's "Gender Reveal" party...
MICHAEL WOLFSMITH - Wow. You look so fat.
BRIANA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - I'm pregnant. That's why we're all here.
MICHAEL WOLFSMITH - Oh.
BRIANA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - Ryan and I forced the ultrasound tech at gunpoint to purchase balloons at Party City.
RYAN CULBERSON - Surprises are very important to us.
VICKI GUNVALSON - I hope it's a girl. We can get facelifts together when I live to be 200.
BRIANA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - Having a barely-one year-old, I'm an expert in child-rearing. And boys are just so much easier.
VICKI GUNVALSON - Wait until they start jerking off to MILF porn in their room while all your friends are downstairs.
MICHAEL WOLFSMITH - Mother, please.
On the set of Good Day LA...
HEATHER DUBROW - And when we come back, we'll chat with the owners of some weird fitness studio, and a TURTLE WHO LOVES CHOCOLATE! **goes off air**
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Heather, I just wanted to make sure we -
HEATHER DUBROW - Sorry, gotta go change my underwear after that kiss with Steve Edwards.
GOOD DAY LA PRODUCER - And we're live in five, four, three...
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Crap! I don't know how to come off well on television!
EDDIE JUDGE - Ain't that the truth.
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Um, Eddie, just bounce around on your hands.
EDDIE JUDGE - Ok.
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - **to camera** CUT Fitness is unique and unlike any other studio. We have classes, personal training, and even treadmills.
GOOD DAY LA PRODUCER - And that's a wrap!
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - What happened to Heather?
GOOD DAY LA PRODUCER - The Steve Edwards kiss byproduct got all over her pants, too.
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Ew.
At the Rovsek residence...
LIZZIE ROVSEK - Pageants, back-poop, swimsuits, babies, cuts, Kentucky.
CHRISTIAN ROVSEK - I suspect our appearance on this show is going to take a Quinn Fry-like trajectory.
LIZZIE ROVSEK - So you mean I'll end up wearing a zany blond wig?
CHRISTIAN ROVSEK - Sure.
Shannon visits Tamra...
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - I'm so flattered you came to talk to me.
SHANNON BEADOR - Well, I needed to talk to someone very badly. Anyone with a pulse, really.
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Aw. That's sweet.
SHANNON BEADOR - David wrote me a disturbing email saying he wants to move out.
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Wait - your own husband wrote you an email? Was Twitter down?
SHANNON BEADOR - We rarely have time to connect because he goes to bed at 8:30, and I stay up late to prepare for my day of doing absolutely nothing.
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - As someone with two divorces and a current relationship based on Lady Gaga sex under my belt, I advise you to run for the hills.
SHANNON BEADOR - He'll be the one living in the hills with all the money he'll get from the I. Magnin empire.
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - You'll just have do what all divorcees in Orange County do. Move to Ladera Ranch.
SHANNON BEADOR - Oh Christ. Then divorce is definitely not an option.
To be continued...
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