Tuesday, May 27, 2014

The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 6 - "Showdown at the Hoedown"


Briana brings Troy and salad to Vicki's office...

BRIANA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - I need you to come with us to Oklahoma to find a house.


BRIANA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - Mom, I need to follow my disturbed rage-addled husband wherever he goes.

VICKI GUNVALSON - You'll be back.

BRIANA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - No, I won't. I'd rather do a white person Trail of Tears than be within a three-state radius of Brooks.

VICKI GUNVALSON - Aw, cmon. He's not that bad. 

BRIANA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - Next week, he's going to say his favorite part about you is your vagina.

VICKI GUNVALSON -  **smiles** Really?

BRIANA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - It's not a compliment, Mom.

At the Dubrow groundbreaking party, David talks to Jim Edmond's wife...

DAVID BEADOR - Hey, girl. Want a shot?

SHANNON BEADOR - You never ask me if I want a shot.

DAVID BEADOR - Chill. They're free. **hands her one**

HEATHER DUBROW -  Look who finally decided to show up and take full advantage of the open bar.

SHANNON BEADOR - I'm so sorry. You know I wouldn't miss your dirt-pushing ceremony for the world.

HEATHER DUBROW - It's called groundbreaking.

SHANNON BEADOR -  Oh yeah. David was coaching basketball.

DAVID BEADOR - You know how that goes, Terry!

HEATHER DUBROW -  Actually, he doesn't. He's an inside dad.

TERRY DUBROW -  I'm killer with a weaving loom.

HEATHER DUBROW -  I hope you're all happy that you missed the part where my family all put on hard hats and dug with plastic shovels.

SHANNON BEADOR -  Aw, man. Next time.

HEATHER DUBROW - There won't BE a next time.

TERRY DUBROW - What about when the Hamiltons upsize and their square footage surpasses ours?

HEATHER DUBROW - Shut up, Terry.

Vicki approaches Lizzie at the party...

VICKI GUNVALSON -  Carrie, or Sookie, or whatever? I'm sorry I was rude to you in the limo.

LIZZIE ROVSEK - You were very rude. I was eighth-grade valedictorian of a class of seven, and deserve some respect.

VICKI GUNVALSON - You're absolutely right. I'm just not very good with hot young Mexican women.

LIZZIE ROVSEK -  I see. Will you excuse me? I have to go feign an orgasm on a bull in front of all these children.

Heather gets on the bull...

DAVID BEADOR - Go, girl! Spread 'em and hump it hard!

HEATHER DUBROW - **disgusted** That's it. I'm done. **hops off bull**

DAVID BEADOR -  Boooo! There goes my erection!

TAMRA JUDGE -   My turn! I know a thing or two about having 850 pounds of cold steal in my lady taint.

EDDIE JUDGE - I think you lost everyone with that metaphor, honey.

TAMRA JUDGE - **rides** Whoooo! You can't tell from my face but I'm really enjoying myself!

HEATHER DUBROW - Turn it up, maestro.

BULL OPERATOR - Maestro? **blushes** I like that.

TAMRA JUDGE -  **flies off bull** Oh, my arm!

HEATHER DUBROW  You're fired.

BULL OPERATOR - But... but... What about "maestro"?

HEATHER DUBROW  - Take this twenty and get the fuck out. 

To be continued....

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