 |
| Johnny Bananas |
On the beach...
TJ LAVIN - Are you guys ready for Uruguayan barbeque?
COHUTTA GRINDSTAFF - After eating Aneesa's cooking six days in a row, I'm even ready for Uruguayan human excrement.
TJ LAVIN - Gross. There will be no eating involved. I guess you guys still haven't figured out these T-Mobile clues are never literal.
JOHNNY BANANAS - I thought people in Australia spoke Dutch, so...
The contestants roll around with no arms...
DEVYN SIMONE - Laurel has an unfair advantage. She doesn't have any tits!
LAUREL STUCKEY - You used to be in same boat, and 12,000 dollars richer.
DEVYN SIMONE - 3000. I got them done in Kansas City.
LAUREL STUCKEY - You can tell.
ZACH NICHOLS - Get me out! Get me out of this poor man's Seran Wrap!
TJ LAVIN - It's actually name brand, you ingrate. **cuts him out** Leroy, Preston and Jordan, you're going in the draw.
JORDAN WISELEY- Pshaw, whatever. That's what I wanted.
At the selection ceremony...
LAUREL STUCKEY - Aneesa, I vote you.
ANEESA FERREIRA - But I gave you compliments at the bar last night.
LAUREL STUCKEY - And the day before that you called me a "lipless Amazon with a mustache."
ANEESA FERREIRA - Ok, you got me there.
JOHNNY REILLY - Bananas, we vote for you.
JOHNNY BANANAS - I'm surprised you can speak with your receding hairline so firmly entrenched up Jordan's anal cavity.
JOHNNY REILLY - You lost me at "entrenched." **flips through a dictionary**
Zach gives Jordan "advice"...
ZACH NICHOLS - Since you want to send Johnny Bananas home so badly, you should just pull all the cards.
JORDAN WISELEY- Uh, yeah! That's a great idea! But I don't know if it's fair to Leroy, who may want the same opportunity.
LEROY GARRETT - I don't fucking want that opportunity.
JORDAN WISELEY- Oh. Well, I mean, the only thing really holding me back is Laurel. You know women, always so worried.
LAUREL STUCKEY - You should do it.
JORDAN WISELEY- **gulps** Um, ok. For sure.
At The Draw, Nany pulls a blank card...
NANY GONZALEZ - Easier than convincing a house full of sex-starved men I'm attractive.
JONNA MANNION - **pulls kill card** Fuck! I'm literally half the person Aneesa is!
ANEESA FERREIRA - I like bacon, ok? **Jonna loses, goes home**
TJ LAVIN - BJs just got a lot harder to find around here. Men, you're up.
JORDAN WISELEY - I'll go first, everybody. **pulls all cards**
LEROY GARRETT - So brave, bro. **to camera** What an idiot.
TJ LAVIN - That was real smart to do, for a challenge that requires two full hands.
JORDAN WISELEY - They used to tell me crocheting required two hands, and look at me now. **shows off scarf**
TJ LAVIN - That is actually a lovely scarf. I'm impressed.
JORDAN WISELEY - Thank you.
JOHNNY BANANAS - Can we get this show on the road? I have chin exercises I need to do back at the house.
JORDAN WISELEY - **falls down the wall** NOOOOOO!
JOHNNY BANANAS - Booyah! Suck it! In your face! Other unsportsmanlike phrases!
JORDAN WISELEY - Challenge me to a test of who looks better with a Hitler haircut, and you might be singing a different tune.
Laurel approaches Johnny in the house...
LAUREL STUCKEY - Good job, Johnny. **he ignores her** I said, good job, Johnny.
JOHNNY BANANAS - Leave me alone, Lady Macbeth.
LAUREL STUCKEY - Do you really think anyone in the history of this show would understand that reference?
JOHNNY BANANAS - Chet?
LAUREL STUCKEY - Yeah, maybe.
JOHNNY BANANAS - Jordan clearly just teamed up with you to win. Did you really think he liked you for you?
LAUREL STUCKEY - I honestly thought that with my 'stache and his half-hand, we were evenly matched.
To be continued...
No comments:
Post a Comment