Tuesday, May 6, 2014

The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 4 - "Pretty Ugly"

Shannon and David Beador

At the Beador residence...

DAVID BEADOR - Are you packed?


DAVID BEADOR - Our trip two miles away for less than 24 hours.

SHANNON BEADOR - You didn't!


SHANNON BEADOR - David, this is more romantic than the time you held in a fart during dinner with my parents.

DAVID BEADOR - Wear the red dress that I like. The one that least makes it look like your tits are a saggy mess.

SHANNON BEADOR - Ok. **takes a swig of Mikes Hard** Gonna need this if I'm going to pretend your soft dick satisfies me.


At Danielle's Ugly Sweater Party...

DANIELLE - Hi, I'm Danielle! My gay husband and I are auditioning to be the next Real Housewives of Orange County -

LIZZIE ROVSEK - **pushes gay husband** Move it, Lady Voice.

DANIELLE'S GAY HUSBAND - **rubs his arm** Ow.

HEATHER DUBROW - I don't know if putting poinsettias on a super tight shirt counts as an "ugly sweater".

LIZZIE ROVSEK  - Uh oh, somebody'd pissed cuz they look gross...

HEATHER DUBROW - Oh yeah? Anagram.

LIZZIE ROVSEK  - Nice try. I know that word.

HEATHER DUBROW - Shit. The 2004 skirt threw me for a loop.

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Hey, I don't know that word!

HEATHER DUBROW - Aw. You are just so, so fucking stupid.


Brooks and Vicki go on a date to Hannah's...

VICKI GUNVALSON - Great quesadillas. Oh yeah, and Briana wishes you would die in a kitchen fire at Wendy's.

BROOKS AYERS - Do I look like somebody who'd eat at Wendys?

WAITRESS -  And for you, sir?

BROOKS AYERS -  Junior Bacon Cheeseburger. Thanks.

VICKI GUNVALSON - I just think you're the bomb dot com.

BROOKS AYERS - Hey, that horribly dated phrase is only ok when I say it.


BROOKS AYERS - Besides, only words like "deodorant" and "fecal impaction" are appropriate for such a work of perfection that only a scalpel can achieve.

VICKI GUNVALSON - You always say the right things.



Tamra and Eddie have date night...

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - I guess we should talk about this baby thing.

EDDIE JUDGE - Right now? I'm still nauseous from my third protein shake.

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE  - I miss my kids, and with you, I'll get to see my baby all the time. Until you run off with Danielle's husband, that is.

EDDIE JUDGE - We can have a baby, as long as I can sign away all parental rights. Things are really picking up at the gym.

TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - But it takes two to fuck up a kid to the point he gets an inner lip tattoo.

EDDIE JUDGE -  The very last thing the word needs is another Ryan Vieth.



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