Wednesday, May 21, 2014

The Real Housewives of New York City Recap, Episode 11 - "The Ramona Trap"

Kristen Taekman and Sonja Morgan
 KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Wake up, everybody!

SONJA MORGAN -  I'm so fucked up, man.

CAROLE RADZIWILL - But we have yoga scheduled.

SONJA MORGAN - I'd rather kill all the grass with my farts. **does**

YOGA TEACHER - Lovely group you have here.

HEATHER THOMSON - We're usually more, um, sober.

SONJA MORGAN - No we're not. **drinks from bottle of Dewars, farts**

At Ramona's intervention...

HEATHER THOMSON - Ready, guys? We're gonna hot box Ramona like she's Lynne Curtin in a Camaro.

RAMONA SINGER -  Hello, everybody. I'm feeling refreshed after rubbing elbows with the likes of Molly Sims.


COUNTESS LUANN - After your time, dear.

SONJA MORGAN - Because you left me in the Berkshires, all the grass on Heather's property is dead.

RAMONA SINGER -  I'm feeling really attacked right now. I want to leave.

COUNTESS LUANN - You'll have to get past ME first.

RAMONA SINGER - False imprisonment! False imprisonment!

CAROLE RADZIWILL - I'm surprised you know that term.

RAMONA SINGER - Rizzoli & Isles.

SONJA MORGAN - Are we done here? This denim jumpsuit is giving me a yeast infection.

 Ramona lifts weights in the bedroom...

MARIO SINGER - Oh. I didn't expect to find you in here.

RAMONA SINGER - Who did you expect, a twenty-something blonde?

MARIO SINGER - Haha! Of course not! That's hilarious!

RAMONA SINGER -  I had a rough night, Mare. A defensive tackle for the 49ers stuffed me in a nightclub booth.

MARIO SINGER - I'd love to hear more but I'm afraid you're going to kiss me.

RAMONA SINGER -  Too late. **goes in for kiss**

MARIO SINGER - Oh shit. **pulls back**

Ramona and Kristen meet to make amends...

RAMONA SINGER  - Hello, Kristen. **starts to stand**

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Oh god, she's standing up.

RAMONA SINGER  - It's just to give you these carnations.

KRISTEN TAEKMAN -  Did you learn that one from your father?

RAMONA SINGER  - He was more of a red-roses-after-head-in-the-toilet-bowl kinda guy.

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Well, I do not accept your apology. You drew blood!

RAMONA SINGER  - I mean, I didn't draw blood. It was really the glass, if you wanna get technical.

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - You're a drunk lunatic, and you need to get help.

RAMONA SINGER - Whatever, Iyanla.

Kingsley undergoes therapy at the Taekman house...

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Josh, pay attention! Kingsley is trying to walk.

JOSH TAEKMAN - I figured if we gave our daughter a dog's name the first thing she'd be able to do is walk.

THERAPIST - Crawl through the mesh tunnel, Kingsley!

JOSH TAEKMAN - She already knows how to do that. See, wasting money on this crap is why we still rent.

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - She crawls on mats, too. Which you'd know if you weren't always WORKING.

JOSH TAEKMAN - You don't seem to complain when I buy you necklaces that look like intestines.

To be continued...

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