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| Kristen Taekman and Sonja Morgan |
SONJA MORGAN - I'm so fucked up, man.
CAROLE RADZIWILL - But we have yoga scheduled.
SONJA MORGAN - I'd rather kill all the grass with my farts. **does**
YOGA TEACHER - Lovely group you have here.
HEATHER THOMSON - We're usually more, um, sober.
SONJA MORGAN - No we're not. **drinks from bottle of Dewars, farts**
At Ramona's intervention...
HEATHER THOMSON - Ready, guys? We're gonna hot box Ramona like she's Lynne Curtin in a Camaro.
RAMONA SINGER - Hello, everybody. I'm feeling refreshed after rubbing elbows with the likes of Molly Sims.
CAROLE RADZIWILL - Who?
COUNTESS LUANN - After your time, dear.
SONJA MORGAN - Because you left me in the Berkshires, all the grass on Heather's property is dead.
RAMONA SINGER - I'm feeling really attacked right now. I want to leave.
COUNTESS LUANN - You'll have to get past ME first.
RAMONA SINGER - False imprisonment! False imprisonment!
CAROLE RADZIWILL - I'm surprised you know that term.
RAMONA SINGER - Rizzoli & Isles.
SONJA MORGAN - Are we done here? This denim jumpsuit is giving me a yeast infection.
Ramona lifts weights in the bedroom...
MARIO SINGER - Oh. I didn't expect to find you in here.
RAMONA SINGER - Who did you expect, a twenty-something blonde?
MARIO SINGER - Haha! Of course not! That's hilarious!
RAMONA SINGER - I had a rough night, Mare. A defensive tackle for the 49ers stuffed me in a nightclub booth.
MARIO SINGER - I'd love to hear more but I'm afraid you're going to kiss me.
RAMONA SINGER - Too late. **goes in for kiss**
MARIO SINGER - Oh shit. **pulls back**
Ramona and Kristen meet to make amends...
RAMONA SINGER - Hello, Kristen. **starts to stand**
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Oh god, she's standing up.
RAMONA SINGER - It's just to give you these carnations.
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Did you learn that one from your father?
RAMONA SINGER - He was more of a red-roses-after-head-in-the-toilet-bowl kinda guy.
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Well, I do not accept your apology. You drew blood!
RAMONA SINGER - I mean, I didn't draw blood. It was really the glass, if you wanna get technical.
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - You're a drunk lunatic, and you need to get help.
RAMONA SINGER - Whatever, Iyanla.
Kingsley undergoes therapy at the Taekman house...
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Josh, pay attention! Kingsley is trying to walk.
JOSH TAEKMAN - I figured if we gave our daughter a dog's name the first thing she'd be able to do is walk.
THERAPIST - Crawl through the mesh tunnel, Kingsley!
JOSH TAEKMAN - She already knows how to do that. See, wasting money on this crap is why we still rent.
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - She crawls on mats, too. Which you'd know if you weren't always WORKING.
JOSH TAEKMAN - You don't seem to complain when I buy you necklaces that look like intestines.
To be continued...
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