Wednesday, April 30, 2014

The Real Housewives of New York City Recap, Episode 8 - "Unforgiveable Debt"

Countess Luann

In the Hamptons...

AVIVA DRESCHER - Luann, you've got to pick a side. Carole, who resembles Lucy the first discovered human, or me, who is cool and stuff.

COUNTESS LUANN -  I don't choose sides. Except my good one when shooting a music video, am I right? **nudges Sonja**

SONJA MORGAN -  See, that's why I opted not to marry one of my many royal suitors, including the Burger King mascot in Times Square. Sonja's gotta be Sonja!

COUNTESS LUANN - Sonja's gotta be a BITCH. Oh, look. I picked a side.

Carole works on redesigning her apartment...

CAROLE RADZIWILL - I'm a swinging single, looking to design a swinging bachelorette pad!

CONTRACTOR - Ma'am, would you like us to install a ramp for when walking up stairs gets difficult in a few years?

COUNTESS LUANN - Get the fuck outta here.**they leave**

 At David Burke Townehouse...

SONJA MORGAN - Waiter, I'll have a penis aged 23 years.

WAITER - Excuse me, Ms. Morgan?

SONJA MORGAN -  Er, I meant a pinot aged 23 years! You see, I'm meeting my boyfriend here tonight.

WAITER -  I see.

SONJA MORGAN - He's very young and very hot. What can I say? It's hard to resist a menopausal destitute eccentric.

three hours later...

SONJA MORGAN - **calls home** Pickles? **listens** It's Ms. Morgan, goddamnit. I don't pay you in hot water to have you address me as Sonja. Have there been any messages? No?!?

WAITER - Would you like the check, Ms. Morgan?

SONJA MORGAN - No. I meant to take up a huge table in the middle of an empty restaurant all by myself.

WAITER -  Was that... sarcastic?

SONJA MORGAN -  Nope. Say, how old are you?

WAITER - 30.

SONJA MORGAN - That will be all, thank you.

Kristen meets with her modeling agent...

AGENT - Mom Jeans Magazine called. They're not interested.

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Not even Mom Jeans Magazine? But I can push my stomach out to resemble a FUPA if I really try... See???

AGENT  - Sorry. In this town, you're considered over the hill. Like, Carole Radziwill over the hill.

KRISTEN TAEKMAN -So what can I do?

AGENT - My suggestion is to move to Milwaukee.

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - **stabs herself repeatedly**

AGENT  - It was just a suggestion!

At the spa...

SONJA MORGAN -  I got stood up by my boyfriend! Guess I was too much Sonja for him to handle.

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Or it could have been a good old-fashioned dry vagina that did the trick.

RAMONA SINGER - It's because I called his mother. She said he would leave the Xbox on at night so she'd think he was still in his room!

SONJA MORGAN -  Aw. He loves Xbox. And Capri Sun.

RAMONA SINGER - He's too young for you, bro!

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Sounds like you're a little jealous, Ramona.

RAMONA SINGER - Jealous? With this ass? **tosses champagne at Kristen**

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Only my husband gets to treat me that way. **tosses water at Ramona**

RAMONA SINGER  My curls! My sad limp curls!

SONJA MORGAN - My hair looks better than that shit, and I'm homeless. 


No comments:

Post a Comment

web statistics
Wall Street Journal