Monday, April 14, 2014

The Millionaire Matchmaker Recap, Episode 17 - "The Narcissist Meets The Inner Geek"

Justin Ross Lee

Patti meets Justin...

JUSTIN ROSS LEE - I'm a self-loathing Jew who's decided to blow my inheritance on a really stupid business idea.

PATTI STANGER - Dog condoms?

JUSTIN ROSS LEE - Pocket squares. But now you've got me thinking...

PATTI STANGER - Don't waste my time. I could be doing Quaaludes and spreading my legs for a Tom Selleck look-a-like.

JUSTIN ROSS LEE  - Fine. I'm looking for a blonde shiksa.

PATTI STANGER - Why won't you date a Jew?

JUSTIN ROSS LEE  - Because she'll turn out like you.

PATTI STANGER - Fuck you, you prick.


PATTI STANGER - Oh god yes please I take back what I said.

Patti meets Michael...

PATTI STANGER - You're single, 36, and quite possibly the best looking man we've had on this show since Marty Yacoobian. What gives?

MICHAEL SARTAIN - Deep down, I'm just a geek. After I bang a cocktail waitress I'll never see again, all I want to talk about is how bees and dogs can smell fear.

PATTI STANGER - Well, let me set up a disco mixer for you.

MICHAEL SARTAIN - Will the disco theme help me find my match?

PATTI STANGER - No. I just want to relive an era where I wasn't regarded with pity and derision.

At the mixer...

PATTI STANGER -  Michael, meet Andrea. She's overzealous with a teasing comb, AND she's a geek!

ANDREA - I read a book once. It was good.

MICHAEL SARTAIN - Works for me.  

JUSTIN ROSS LEE - Ladies, raise your hand if you're blonde.

BLONDE - Isn't it obvious?

JUSTIN ROSS LEE - Just trying to see if you can follow directions. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

ARIANE - That wasn't funny.

JUSTIN ROSS LEE - I like you. You've got the gumption of an 80-year-old in a 42-year-old's body. 

ARIANE - But I'm only 30.

JUSTIN ROSS LEE - If you say so.

Michael takes Andrea on a date to a flight simulator...

MICHAEL SARTAIN - I know how much you like to pretend to care about physics. 


MICHAEL SARTAIN - So... I booked this glorified arcade, especially for us!

ANDREA - Does it have DDR?

MICHAEL SARTAIN - No. **tries to kiss her**

ANDREA - Mama always said no kissing on the first date.

MICHAEL SARTAIN - Can I put my hand down your flight suit?

ANDREA - Hmmm... she never mentioned that specific situation.... **unbuttons**

On a boat...

ARIANE - I've got a special treat for you. I'm wearing a Marilyn Monroe-style swimsuit that really accentuates my FUPA.

JUSTIN ROSS LEE - What appropriate dinner attire.

ARIANE  - Cheers to Playboy. **holds up her glass**

JUSTIN ROSS LEE - Just one second. I ran a background check on you. You were born in Bombay in 1927.

ARIANE  - Your sources are incorrect! I was born in 1978 in Toronto.

JUSTIN ROSS LEE  - Let's compromise. 1971 in Florida?

ARIANE  - Fine.

**Justin throws a pillow at Patti**


1 comment:

  1. JRL is GAY. He is a comedian performance artist. That's it.


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