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| The Challenge |
In Uruguay...
TJ LAVIN - This is called Free Agents. That is because you will be represented by yourself, and not by some balding law school drop-out who can't negotiate to save his life.
JESSICA MCCAIN - Agent problems?
TJ LAVIN - Let's just say the host of the Dance Moms reunion makes three times as much as I do.
CT TAMBURELLO - Well, I'm feeling this set-up. I'm used to working on my own.
JOHNNY BANANAS - That's because everybody hates you and your sad slurred manner of speech.
JOHNNY REILLY - Hey, Johnny Number 2, at least he's managed to stave off a double chin in his thirties. Also, not errrbody from Bahston mumbles, sassa frassa hmmm.
HURRICAN NIA MOORE - Oh, so that makes YOU Johnny Number 1? I merely brushed past you with a hair dryer and you ran to suckle Averey's teet like a babe in the woods.
JORDAN WISELEY - Psssh, I'd give my other hand to have kept you off our season, Monsoon or whatever the fuck you're called.
LAUREL STUCKEY - If you do decide to forfeit your other hand, I know somewhere you can insert both fists. **winks**
FRANK SWEENEY - Your mouth, you emasculating Amazon?
ZACH NICHOLS - Whoa, you got through a sentence without breaking into tears.
JONNA MANNON - Look who's talking, pussy who had a breakdown because he missed the birth of his nephew and didn't get to see his sister's vadge.
DUSTIN ZITO - He's seen plenty of your vadge, as have most of the other men here.
ISAAC STOUT - Dustin, the whole internet has seen your man vadge. Aka butthole.
CHET CANNON - Wait... Who are you?
COHUTTA GRINDSTAFF - He's from Sydney. And you must be from a place with no sunlight.
ANEESA FERREIRA - At least he's not a weird tree nymph who squeals like a pig.
JEMMYE CARROLL - Please don't stereotype people from the South. Most of us have more pride than to work as a stripper in our fourth decade on earth.
BRANDON NELSON - You still into black men?
LEROY GARRETT - LOL to you thinking she'd hit it with you after she's had all this.
EMILEE FITZPATRICK - Don't you have garbage to be picking up somewhere?
DEVYN SIMONE - Guess he'd better pick you up, then, Hooters.
CARA MARIA SIMONE - I see you've left that racoon corpse wig at home this year.
THERESA GONZALEZ - I see you've left your athleticism at home this year. Wait, that's every year.
NANY GONZALEZ - Sorry, we can't all be "hoopers", whatever the fuck that is.
JASMINE REYNAUD - Two people with the last name Gonzalez? I feel like I'm back in Texas.
SWIFT - Did you really mean what you said about being the whore of the season? Please god say yes.
CAMILA NAKAGAWA - YOU GONNA DIE JOHNNYYYYY!!!!!
TJ LAVIN - Enough! Enough! I did not get hair plugs to have to sit and listen to everybody fight. This is OVER.
JESSICA MCCAIN - Finally. Bitches all thirsty and junk.
LATOYA JACKSON - Wait, nobody wants to hear our insults?
PRESTON ROBERSON-CHARLES - Picked last, story of every West Hollywood orgy I've showed up at.
The teams climb up stairs, Latoya goes to the hospital, Jemmye goes home.
THE END.
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