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| Amanda Sanders Image Consultant |
Carole and Aviva hash it out at Luann's patio...
AMANDA SANDERS IMAGE CONSULTANT - If I may interject.
CAROLE RADZIWILL - You may not, Flapjacks.
AMANDA SANDERS IMAGE CONSULTANT - Hey! I consulted myself on the image of my chest, and I think I did a pretty damn good job.
CAROLE RADZIWILL - I'd agree, if I was a suckling St. Bernard puppy.
HEATHER THOMSON - Leave them alone, Flapjacks!
AMANDA SANDERS IMAGE CONSULTANT - It seems I've acquired a bit of a reputation.
COUNTESS LUANN - Flapjacks, come have some pancakes.
HARRY DUBIN - Cannibalism? Hot.
Inside...
HEATHER THOMSON - Motherfucker, you can't tell me nothin', motherfucker!
AVIVA DRESCHER - Where'd you learn to talk like that? P. Diddy's house?
HEATHER THOMSON - Yes.
**Silence**
AVIVA DRESCHER - Oh.
REID DRESCHER - Who's P. Diddy? **adjusts Dad jeans**
The next day at brunch, Sonja talks with Aviva...
SONJA MORGAN - Man, everybody really hates your guts. Tough break.
AVIVA DRESCHER - Well, I -
SONJA MORGAN - Shit, my tooth! **stands up** Everybody at this brunch, today I lost a tooth and yesterday I pissed myself!
PICKLES THE INTERN - Don't forget the embarrassing scatting you did the day before yesterday.
SONJA MORGAN - Get back in your cage, Bunions.
PICKLES THE INTERN - It's Pickles.
SONJA MORGAN - Whatever.
COUNTESS LUANN - Darling, it is poor etiquette to make people wonder whether you should be committed to an inpatient psychiatric facility during a brunch.
SONJA MORGAN - Sorry. **urine runs down her leg** Whoops, looks like I'm going commando again. What can I say?
At the Coney Island Mermaid Parade...
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Hey drag queens! Woooo!
HEATHER THOMSON - We're so wild, loving drag queens!
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Uh oh. I think we're on the wrong float. We were supposed to be with the high school kids to emphasize the ravages of aging.
COUNTESS LUANN - You all go on ahead. I feel strangely... at home.
CAROLE RADZIWILL - **joins them after parade** Ladies, let's all go sit in the sand. Watch out for errant syringes and discarded DVDs of the second season of Arliss.
.
COUNTESS LUANN - You did an amazing job sitting next to Judah Friedlander, Karen.
CAROLE RADZIWILL - Thank you, and now, for a poem.
Who is a friend,
the question begs?
My only requirement
Is that you have two legs.
SONJA MORGAN - Ghostwriter, schmostwriter, you're a modern day Emily Giffin!
In Franklin, New York, Aviva meets with her leg amputation friend...
AVIVA DRESCHER - Pretty nuts that there were parents negligent enough to let their kids play in a barn.
BECKY MORGAN - Hey, it was the Sixties.
AVIVA DRESCHER - Seventies.
BECKY MORGAN - Oh, is that what we're going with? **winks** Our little secret.
AVIVA DRESCHER - Well, I'm glad you were willing to reach out to me even though my family sued you into oblivion and you're stuck in this shit box and I live on the Upper East Side.
BECKY MORGAN - Hey, want to play hopscotch like old times? Oh, that's right. You can't.
AVIVA DRESCHER - Bitch.
The End.
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