Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The Real Housewives of Orange County, Episode 2 - "Meet and Potatoes"

Shannon Beader

 At the Beador residence...

SHANNON BEADOR - Girls, get ready for Cotillion! Living in a suburban wasteland demands elegance.

DAVID BEADOR - I don't know why you waste your time on all that junk. I didn't have Cotillion and I turned out fine.

SOPHIE BEADOR - But you have no manners.

DAVID BEADOR -  How about this? Honey, please hurry up and leave so I can get cracking on the yard work.  

SHANNON BEADOR - **to camera** I think we're headed for divorce.

At Vicki's house...

VICKI GUNVALSON - Good morning, Michael! Want some coffee?

MICHAEL WOLFSMITH -  Leave me alone.

VICKI GUNVALSON -Ok. Well, I printed off some work notes for you, so you'll do well at your job.

MICHAEL WOLFSMITH  - Eff off, c-word.

VICKI GUNVALSON - Maybe sometime I could see where you live in San Diego? Maybe just from the street?

MICHAEL WOLFSMITH  - I'd rather impregnate my own sister.

VICKI GUNVALSON - Great. Well, I love you more than I even love myself.

MICHAEL WOLFSMITH  - **gives her the finger**

SHANNON BEADOR - **to camera** I think we're headed for divorce.

Tamra hosts a Halloween party...

TAMRA BARNEY - I did a ouji board when I was 12. Told me I was pregnant with Ryan. 

VICKI GUNVALSON - That's Glendora for you.

TAMRA BARNEY - Heather's bringing someone who is posing as a regular but is really a cast member.

VICKI GUNVALSON -  Oh Christ, last time I tried to like a new cast member I broke out in pockmarks.

TAMRA BARNEY - I don't think that's where pockmarks come from...


HEATHER DUBROW - Hello, ladies. Meet Shannon. She's just a regular person off the street, here to make new friends when there are cameras around.

SHANNON BEADOR - Hi, I'm Shannon.

VICKI GUNVALSON -  Average boobs, check. Doesn't seem richer than me, check. Kind of old, check. I love you!!!

SHANNON BEADOR - **to camera** Vicki showed me the kind of love David never does. I think I'm headed for divorce.

Tamra, Heather and Shannon get dinner...

TAMRA BARNEY - I only see my kids fifty percent of the time. The rest of the time they're with Dog Leash.

HEATHER DUBROW - "Waa waa waa, I have lots of free time to myself."

TAMRA BARNEY - I think I want a weird-teeth baby with Eddie.

HEATHER DUBROW -  Loving someone and wanting a person who is part of both of you is no reason to have a child.

SHANNON BEADOR - That's not fair. Wanting to have a baby is a natural instinct for menopausal women in their late 40s.


TAMRA BARNEY - **under her breath** What a bitch.

SHANNON BEADOR -  **under her breath** I agree.

HEATHER DUBROW - Ok, I can hear you guys.

At the beef party...

David, where is the creme brulee torch? HOW CAN WE MAKE THE CREME BRULEE CRUSTY WITHOUT A FLAME?!?!?

DAVID BEADOR - Maybe we could put it in the oven or something?

SHANNON BEADOR - You useless piece of DUNG!  **starts divorce proceedings**


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