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| Patti Stanger and Chad Towersey. |
Patti takes her assistants to brunch...
PATTI STANGER - I appreciate you all so much that I set up a special brunch for you.
MARISA - Oh, you're so sweet!
PATTI STANGER - Who do you have for me this week?
MARISA - I thought this was a special appreciation brunch -
PATTI STANGER - Justin, no Mimosas. You're on the clock.
JUSTIN - Then why are they even on the table?
PATTI STANGER - WHO DO YOU HAVE FOR ME THIS WEEK.
JUSTIN - Ok, geez. This is Chad. He lives in Newport Beach and loves vaginas because they remind him of Slip n' Slides.
PATTI STANGER - Pretty astute, I gotta say.
DAVID - This is Justin. He had glaucoma and didn't even smoke weed for it.
PATTI STANGER - He must be some kind of saint.
DAVID - He's Jewish.
PATTI STANGER - Even better.
Patti meets Justin...
PATTI STANGER - Why haven't your relationships worked out?
JUSTIN COOPER - I'm always trying to fix women. **pauses** On account of the eye.
PATTI STANGER - Please elaborate.
JUSTIN COOPER - Well, fashion is very important to me. **pauses** On account of the eye.
PATTI STANGER - So who's your celebrity crush?
JUSTIN COOPER - Sloan from Entourage.**pauses** On account of the eye-
PATTI STANGER - I get it. Everything is because of your eye. Pick a new crutch, dude
JUSTIN COOPER - I was gonna say on the account of the Eye-talian smoldering looks. I like a darker-skinned Jewess. Way to assume.
Patti meets Chad...
CHAD TOWERSEY - I need a woman who loves Ju Jitsu, motorcycling through quiet streets, and waterboarding.
PATTI STANGER - Do you mean wakeboarding?
CHAD TOWERSEY - No. I like it rough, and really admire Dick Cheney.
PATTI STANGER - I'll do what I can, but it might be slim pickin's for an aging bro-llionaire who let his skin turn into a bag of crispy pork cracklins.
CHAD TOWERSEY - But I'm willing to accept big naturals OR big fakes.
PATTI STANGER - Well, then. That really widens the pool. Dick.
At the Mad Men Mixer...
CHAD TOWERSEY - **talkes to a group o' chicks** I love to ride the wave of life, or just cruise on the board of leisure!
JUSTIN - **in his ear** Chad, it's not a Corona commercial. Calm down and act naturally.
CHAD TOWERSEY - Ok. **notices he's surrounded by real live women** So, uh... **starts to sweat** Um...
FRANCES - Are you ok?
CHAD TOWERSEY - I usually zone out during Mad Men or anything else not on Spike TV, and end up touching myself, so this is a weird situation to be in.
FRANCES - Here, read this Question Card.
CHAD TOWERSEY - K. "Have you ever touched yourself while Mad Men was on?" Who put this question in here?!? Is this a joke?
FRANCES - Relax, Chad. I do it to.
CHAD TOWERSEY - Really? **he falls in love**
After Justin takes Becca vodka-tasting, they go to a Very Dark Place...
JUSTIN COOPER - We're going to eat dinner in total darkness.
BECCA - Aw. Reminds me of my childhood visits to see my Uncle Rob. He'd lock me in the basement and feed potato scraps under the door -
JUSTIN COOPER - Ok, not the ambiance I was intending to evoke. Raw onion?
BECCA - Sure.
JUSTIN COOPER - Now that you're smelling nice and pungent, let me help you with your napkin... **kisses her**
BECCA - Whoa. Wasn't expecting that.
JUSTIN COOPER - How about this? **feels her tuchus**
BECCA - That feels nice, Uncle Rob.
JUSTIN COOPER - Check, please.
Chad takes Frances on a Ju Jitsu Master Date...
CHAD TOWERSEY - I liked the way you were slamming and poking and nibbling and stroking in the Ju Jitsu arena.
FRANCES - I have an older brother, so...
CHAD TOWERSEY - Makes sense. **they kiss**
The End.
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