Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Real Housewives of New York City Recap, Episode 2 - "Give Up The Ghostwriter"

Carole Radziwill

 BookGate begins at a restaurant...

AVIVA DRESCHER - I wanted to sit down with you and pick your brain. You've got some years on me, and I'm hoping you can show me the way -

CAROLE RADZIWILL - Don't start that shit with me.

AVIVA DRESCHER - Sorry. So, I'm writing a book that's mainly focused on limbs being severed and 85-year-old men showing their dicks to people at Barnes & Noble.

CAROLE RADZIWILL - Like a modern day Ulysses. 

AVIVA DRESCHER - Exactly! Wait, who's Ulysses?


AVIVA DRESCHER - Maybe you could help me out? Your ghostwriter could meet with my ghostwriter, we can sip tea while we watch them talk, maybe get pedicures?

CAROLE RADZIWILL - Suggesting I have a ghostwriter is like me asking you if a surrogate birthed your children.

AVIVA DRESCHER - Her name is Juanita Thomas and she lives in Oregon.


Aviva meets up with Ramona...

AVIVA DRESCHER - Well, now that we did a tequila shot together, we're basically sisters. So I feel like I can trust you.

RAMONA SINGER - If siblings are based on who you've done shots with, I have about three thousand brothers and sisters.

AVIVA DRESCHER - I accused Carole of having a ghostwriter, and she's, like, pissed.

RAMONA SINGER - I don't know if I should be hearing this. It's very gossipy.


RAMONA SINGER - I didn't mean that please tell me everything right now.

Heather and Kristen get together with their families...

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Kingsley's legs don't work. We're not sure if she'll ever be able to walk.

HEATHER THOMSON - Jax turned yellow and almost died before a 25-year-old man died first and donated his liver.

KRISTEN TAEKMAN - This is so fun! We should really get together more often!


Harry Dubin takes Sonja out...

SONJA MORGAN - I never thought you'd entertain me somewhere that's not the bathtub.

HARRY DUBIN - I wouldn't want you to get pruny. Well, I wouldn't want the parts of you that are not already pruny to get pruny.

SONJA MORGAN - Oh, you. You could charm the pants off a donkey.

HARRY DUBIN -  It's a nice change of pace to be with a woman who's not studying for her SATs.

SONJA MORGAN -  I bet it's also a nice change of pace to be with a woman with 25 million dollars.


SONJA MORGAN - What's so funny?

HARRY DUBIN - Nothing. It's just hearing you claim to have 25 million-dollars combined with the visible Sharpie stain on your purse has me in stitches.

SONJA MORGAN -  Not cool, Harry.

HARRY DUBIN - I'm sorry. Let's get the check and head to the tub.

SONJA MORGAN - I'll have one of my interns heat up the water on the stove.

At Aviva's housewarming party...

AVIVA DRESCHER - Hey, what are you all doing in my bedroom? LOL! Look at me, being so loose and jovial!

RAMONA SINGER - I gotta say, that was a good one, Veev.

CAROLE RADZIWILL - Can I talk to you?

AVIVA DRESCHER - If it's about veneers I'd rather have that conversation in private.

CAROLE RADZIWILL -  It's not, but ok. **they go to a private room** I heard you're telling people I have a ghostwriter. The only time I've even uttered the word "ghostwriter" was while sitting down to the 1992 PBS series for tweens and talking to myself.

AVIVA DRESCHER - Who do you think you are, John Grisham?

CAROLE RADZIWILL - It is so very telling that he's your go-to author for this conversation.

AVIVA DRESCHER - My agent told me the truth, and I trust him. He presents a small yet tasteful banner for me every time I walk in the room.

CAROLE RADZIWILL - I'm a real author! Six companies were bidding for my book, five of which are based out of basements in an exurb of a mid-sized city!

AVIVA DRESCHER - Are you calling me a liar?

CAROLE RADZIWILL - Yes! I don't expect somebody who's never worked outside the home to understand why this upsets me so much.

AVIVA DRESCHER - Being a full-time mom IS work! I don't get paid, nor am I supervised or evaluated in any way, but I wear smart pant suits.

CAROLE RADZIWILL - Speaking of pants, a family therapist circa 1977 called. She wants her outfit back.

AVIVA DRESCHER - Now you've gone too far.

To be continued...

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