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| Kim Richards. |
Kim and her ex drop Kimberly off at college...
JOHN, KIM'S EX - Well, Kimberly, it's been a pleasure being the one to raise you.
KIM RICHARDS - Ahem. Ahem.
JOHN, KIM'S EX - Like I said, it's been a pleasure to be the one to raise you.
KIM RICHARDS - Honey, look! I washed sheets!
KIMBERLY - Aw, mom. It's sweet that you've decided to repay me for all the times I struggled to get SoCo and shart stains out of your bedding.
KIM RICHARDS - I do what I can. You know, every day you've been in my life has been a joy.
KIMBERLY - Even more of a joy than Oxy?
KIM RICHARDS - Let's not get crazy now.
Yolanda helps Gigi set up her apartment in New York...
YOLANDA FOSTER - I am so glad you are in an apartment and not in a stinky, smelly, memories-you'll-have-forever-
GIGI HADID - Yeah. Who needs the whole "college experience" when you can sit in a room by yourself and not eat.
YOLANDA FOSTER - Exactly. So you will send your first modeling check to the PO box I hide from David, yes? If I hear the theme from St. Elmo's Fire one more time, I'll eat a whole bite of cake.
GIGI HADID - Yes, mom. But when do I start to get to keep some of the money I make?
YOLANDA FOSTER - When I get out of that hellhole. Malibu next to the highway is no Malibu.
GIGI HADID - Ok. I love you, mom.
YOLANDA FOSTER - Besides, your manicures are tax deductible. You can stash all of those savings away and maybe buy a Soda Stream in a few years.
At breakfast in Puerto Rico...
BRANDI GLANVILLE - Word on the bellhop I blew earlier is that Lisa and Ken took off at 5 am this morning.
YOLANDA FOSTER - Women who can't have a simple conversation with seven people shouting at them in public are disgusting.
KIM RICHARDS - Agreed. So gross. **sharts herself** Sorry. I've had low sphincter control since I dated that Ken dude.
KYLE RICHARDS - Ugh! I need therapy!
JOYCE GIRAUD DE OHOVEN - I've got the perfect remedy. RETAIL THERAPY!!!!! **they all squeal**
They shop at shitty tshirt shops in Old San Juan...
KIM RICHARDS - Hey, Brandi. Ever splashed around in a fountain?
BRANDI GLANVILLE - After every date with JR.
KIM RICHARDS - I don't see any policianos around. Arriba arriba arriba! **talks more fake Spanish gibberish**
JOYCE GIRAUD DE OHOVEN - Nope, not offensive at all.
BRANDI GLANVILLE - Let's whip out our spindly chicken legs and get wet!
PUERTO RICAN GENTLEMAN - Excuse me, ladies. Please get out.
BRANDI GLANVILLE - Are you here to take us to a Puerto Rican prison?
PUERTO RICAN GENTLEMAN - No. I'm the manager of that sidewalk cafe. People cannot eat their arroz con pollo while your spindly chicken legs are on display.
BRANDI GLANVILLE - How'd you like these spindly chicken legs wrapped around your neck later? **winks**
PUERTO RICAN GENTLEMAN - Please senorita. No.
BRANDI GLANVILLE - Damn. I've lost my touch.
Carlton and Lisa meet up at a shop...
CARLTON GEBBIA - Fuckshit, watching your nanny help your kids with homework is stressful as fuck.
LISA VANDERPUMP - I bet.
CARLTON GEBBIA -You seem upset. Maybe a romp in the sex dungeon will cure what ails you?
LISA VANDERPUMP - Not today, thanks. Puerto Rico was a rough trip.
CARLTON GEBBIA - I knew it! I had a dream Kyle Richards threw a plate of beef hearts at Michael Ohoven's head!
LISA VANDERPUMP - That did not happen.
CARLTON GEBBIA - Yes it did. I dreamt it.
LISA VANDERPUMP - Well, let's just say the ladies claimed I put a magazine about Mauricio in Brandi's suitcase.
CARLTON GEBBIA - Is it true?
LISA VANDERPUMP - Yes.
CARLTON GEBBIA - But who the fuck even cares? It's a magazine in a suitcase. Dumb cunts.
LISA VANDERPUMP - **starts to cry**
CARLTON GEBBIA - Ok, now you've made this Englishwoman VERY uncomfortable.
THE END.
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