Monday, February 24, 2014

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap, Episode 17 - "Lines in the Sand"

Lisa Vanderpump and Ken.

Kyle packs for Puerto Rico...

KYLE RICHARDS - Teenage daughters, did either of you steal my red bikini? I understand why you might, because we're so close in weight, age, and style.

SOPHIA UMANSKY - Sorry. I used it for the mannequin to wear for my health class presentation on the dangers of a calorie-laden diet.

KYLE RICHARDS - **to cameraman** Please edit that out.

On Palamino Island in Puerto Rico...

YOLANDA FOSTER - You accused Kyle of making friends with potential home-sellers, and now it's like you're best friends.

LISA VANDERPUMP - We made amends.

YOLANDA FOSTER - But I didn't know about dat. So you're wrong and stupid.

KEN TODD VANDERPUMP -  Please don't be rude to my wife.


KEN TODD VANDERPUMP - Didn't your husband order a room full of women not to speak or sing?

YOLANDA FOSTER - Yeah, but he's a genius.


Brandi confides in Kyle...

BRANDI GLANVILLE - I think you should know that Lisa put a tabloid about you and Mauricio in my suitcase.

KYLE RICHARDS - That's periodical warfare!

BRANDI GLANVILLE  - Exactamundo. She was trying to make sure that I, her best friend at the time, would have the means to defend myself against vicious attacks in Palm Springs.

YOLANDA FOSTER - What happened to morals in dis world? Also, off topic, but who is Adrienne Maloof in dis world?

MAURICIO UMANSKY - Hola, muchachas. My ears casually perked up when I heard you discussing my alleged exploits with a transgendered prostitute. No, I did not stick my wiener in his butt. Yes, I may have accepted a handy.

KYLE RICHARDS - Please go back to playing soccer with yourself.


At dinner...

JOYCE GIRAUD DE OHOVEN - Thank you all for joining me on this fun, light-hearted trip as I mourn yesterday's death of the man who sired me. Cheers!

KYLE RICHARDS  - Sorry to put a damper on your dad's death celebration, but I gotta know, Lisa - did you put a periodical in Brandi's suitcase?

KEN TODD VANDERPUMP - What the fuck is a periodical?


KEN TODD VANDERPUMP - If anybody should know about colons, it's Miss Shit Stained Pillow over here.

KIM RICHARDS - Hey! I was under the influence in Paris.


KIM RICHARDS - Well, I still am, but it's rude to talk about it.

KEN TODD VANDERPUMP - We're out of here. Some life advice - if you're ever torn between believing rich people or believing poor people, choose the rich ones.

MAURICIO UMANSKY - **whispers to Kyle** Wait... I thought you said Brandi would be putting her house on the market.

KYLE RICHARDS  - She rents.

MAURICIO UMANSKY - Well, fuck farts.

Back at the casita...

KEN TODD VANDERPUMP - **lights a cigarette** What a bunch of dicks. **puff puff** We should have gone home the second we saw there wasn't a Jack and Jill bathroom.

LISA VANDERPUMP - You got that right. Give me that fucker. **puff puff**

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