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| Arielle and Ashley. |
At the house...
ARIELLE - Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like you to follow me and my gigantic strap-on to an erotic dinner.
CORY - Every night is an erotic dinner with Subway. **winks at camera**
ARIELLE - No, at this dinner, slightly pudgy out-of-work actors wear masks and massage us while our food gets cold. **they go**
JAY - **gets a massage from someone he does not realize is a man** Oh yeah, girl. Get it, woman. Feels good, female with a vagina. Uh huh, right there, lady person. **turns around** HEY!
EVERYBODY - Hahahahaha! **they go home to all fuck each other**
At the club...
RANDO GIRL I - How about I thrust my buttocks against your penis, thus making you ejaculate in your pants?
JAY - Sounds good! Camera guys, are you getting this?
RANDO GIRL II - How about I chastely kiss you quickly on the lips?
JAY - Um... Ok, but nobody can see. That's, like, cheating.
Jenna calls Jay the next day...
JENNA - Looks like you had a good time last night.
JAY - I did! We went to dinner, had sangria, went in a photo booth...
JENNA - I was being sarcastic, you shit. There are pictures on the internet of a girl chastely pecking you on the lips.
JAY - Crap, I forgot about that whole 2014 thing.
JENNA - Yeah.
Ashley returns to pack her things...
ASHLEY - You, put my clothes in trash bags.
ASHLEY'S FRIEND - Ok.
ASHLEY - Not black trash bags! Who do I look like, Angelina?
ASHLEY'S FRIEND - Sorry.
ASHLEY - You, love of my life. Load up my shoes.
FRANCIS - Yes, ma'am.
ASHLEY - This boring piece of poop show is gonna suffer without local San Franciscan expert Ashley!!!**takes trolley home**
The group watches a sunset on their trip to the lake...
ARIELLE - This is like, straight-up bonding. I feel so connected to you guys. **looks to see Cory and Jenny having sex and Thomas and Jamie making out**
JAY - Well, you still got me.
ARIELLE - Eh, nobody really cares about you.
Cory's ex Lauren enters the house...
LAUREN - Man oh man, does it feel good to be selected out of thousands to be the next roommate on The Real World. Is it my high-waisted shorts? Is it my pink glasses? Could just be my amazing personality!
BRIAN - **enters** Hello.
LAUREN - I don't have any money, please leave me alone.
BRIAN - I'm Brian, the new cast member of the Real World. Thanks for cleaning up in here.
LAUREN - I'm not a cleaning lady. I'm just from the Midwest. This is how we dress.
BRIAN - But, but, but...
LAUREN - But, but, but...
HAILEY - Hi, I'm Hailey, she of the delicious bangs and first vagina to grace Thomas's peener.
BRIAN - Hello.
HAILEY - No, sir. I don't have any money, and thank you, ma'am, for making this place so clean.
ASHLEY C - **enters** Arielle, I'm ready to take that big hulking strap-on like a big gi- OH! You're not my strap-on wielding girlfriend!
BRIAN - I could be, if you want me to, just sayin...
EVERYBODY - What in the heck is going on?!????!
Meanwhile, the original cast prepares to enter the house...
JENNY - I wish the six of us could be alone together forever.
CORY - Me too!
JENNY - **walks in, sees exes** Oh shit! People from our pasts!
To be continued...
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