Thursday, January 30, 2014

The Real World: Explosion Recap, Episode 4 - "Ex-otic Encounters"

Arielle and Ashley.

 At the house...

ARIELLE - Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like you to follow me and my gigantic strap-on to an erotic dinner.

CORY - Every night is an erotic dinner with Subway. **winks at camera**

ARIELLE - No, at this dinner, slightly pudgy out-of-work actors wear masks and massage us while our food gets cold. **they go**

JAY - **gets a massage from someone he does not realize is a man** Oh yeah, girl. Get it, woman. Feels good, female with a vagina. Uh huh, right there, lady person. **turns around** HEY!

EVERYBODY - Hahahahaha! **they go home to all fuck each other**

At the club...

RANDO GIRL I - How about I thrust my buttocks against your penis, thus making you ejaculate in your pants?

JAY - Sounds good! Camera guys, are you getting this?

RANDO GIRL II - How about I chastely kiss you quickly on the lips?

JAY - Um... Ok, but nobody can see. That's, like, cheating.

Jenna calls Jay the next day...

JENNA - Looks like you had a good time last night.

JAY - I did! We went to dinner, had sangria, went in a photo booth...

JENNA - I was being sarcastic, you shit. There are pictures on the internet of a girl chastely pecking you on the lips.

JAY - Crap, I forgot about that whole 2014 thing.

JENNA -  Yeah.

Ashley returns to pack her things...

ASHLEY - You, put my clothes in trash bags.


ASHLEY -  Not black trash bags! Who do I look like, Angelina?


ASHLEY - You, love of my life. Load up my shoes.

FRANCIS - Yes, ma'am.

ASHLEY - This boring piece of poop show is gonna suffer without local San Franciscan expert Ashley!!!**takes trolley home**

The group watches a sunset on their trip to the lake...

ARIELLE - This is like, straight-up bonding. I feel so connected to you guys. **looks to see Cory and Jenny having sex and Thomas and Jamie making out**

JAY - Well, you still got me.

ARIELLE - Eh, nobody really cares about you.

Cory's ex Lauren enters the house...

LAUREN - Man oh man, does it feel good to be selected out of thousands to be the next roommate on The Real World. Is it my high-waisted shorts? Is it my pink glasses? Could just be my amazing personality!

BRIAN - **enters** Hello.

LAUREN -  I don't have any money, please leave me alone.

BRIAN - I'm Brian, the new cast member of the Real World. Thanks for cleaning up in here.

LAUREN -  I'm not a cleaning lady. I'm just from the Midwest. This is how we dress.

BRIAN -  But, but, but...

LAUREN -  But, but, but...

HAILEY - Hi, I'm Hailey, she of the delicious bangs and first vagina to grace Thomas's peener.

BRIAN - Hello.

HAILEY - No, sir. I don't have any money, and thank you, ma'am, for making this place so clean.

ASHLEY C - **enters** Arielle, I'm ready to take that big hulking strap-on like a big gi- OH! You're not my strap-on wielding girlfriend!

BRIAN - I could be, if you want me to, just sayin...

EVERYBODY - What in the heck is going on?!????!

Meanwhile, the original cast prepares to enter the house...

JENNY - I wish the six of us could be alone together forever.

CORY - Me too!

JENNY -  **walks in, sees exes** Oh shit! People from our pasts!

To be continued...

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