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| Rosie Pierri. |
In Patti's office...
PATTI STANGER - WHEW! I just got done boxing with my weird-looking boyfriend, and boy is my gunt tired.
PATTI'S ASSISTANT JUSTIN - We get it, you're in a relationship. Christ.
PATTI'S ASSISTANT MARISA - Patti, Do you remember Rosie from Real Housewives of New Jersey?
PATTI STANGER - Is she the butch one who threatened to murder Teresa Giudice?
MARISA - Yep. She also told Teresa to take it up the ass.
PATTI STANGER - So did you see her at Fatburger or something?
MARISA - No, she's this week millionairess.
PATTI STANGER - Great, another non-local tertiary reality character who has nowhere near a million dollars.
MARISA - Sorry, Jennifer Aniston isn't exactly knocking down your door.
PATTI STANGER - Who else do we have this week? The midget from The Surreal Life?
PATTI'S ASSISTANT DAVID - No, we have Andrew Christian, the designer of the jock straps twinks wear in gay porn.
MARISA - And his name is Verne Troyer, thank you very much.
Patti meets Rosie at a restaurant...
PATTI STANGER - Hi Rosie! I see you brought your parents with you.
KATHY WAKILE - Parents?! Fuck that Dr. Perricone.
ROSIE PIERRI - These aren't my parents. This is my cannoli-eating sister and her perv husband.
RICH WAKILE - Hey Patti, can you introduce me to some hot lesbos? I mean, my sister-in-law. Can you introduce my sister-in-law to some hot lesbos.
PATTI STANGER - I can give you the latter but I can't promise the former.
BISEXUAL - Hello. I'm a bisexual here for the mixer.
PATTI STANGER - Okay, looks like I can't give you the latter either. Things have been weird since Destin and Rachel left.
Patti meets with Andrew Christian...
ANDREW CHRISTIAN - I'm tired of having hot sex with gorgeous twinks. I'm ready to open a small gift shop with a 33-year-old college graduate.
PATTI STANGER - Did you mean any of what you just said?
ANDREW CHRISTIAN - No, but I realize if I'm going to get exposure for my brand, I've got to do what it takes.
PATTI STANGER - I hear you. Would you like a "No Going In, In, or In"™ key chain?
ANDREW CHRISTIAN - Um, no thank you.
Patti holds a luncheon mixer for Andrew...
PATTI STANGER - Now remember my rule. No sex before...
ANDREW CHRISTIAN - Poppers?
PATTI STANGER - No. Monogamy.
ANDREW CHRISTIAN - Lame.
PATTI STANGER - If you really want to see lame, meet this ginger from Harvard.
SCOTT - I'm Scott. I'm a recruiter for an accounting firm.
DANIEL - I'm Daniel. I like to grow zucchinis and then stick them up my asshole.
ANDREW CHRISTIAN - Sold.
Patti introduces Rosie to some lesbians at the luncheon...
PATTI STANGER - So, ladies, let's talk about perverse sexual things to make this freshly-out lesbian as uncomfortable as possible.
LESBIAN I - I like to do it with my Tevas on.
LESBIAN II - I like to do it in the U Haul I'm driving to her house after our second date.
GUINEVERE TURNER - I prefer not to perform slow, exceptional cunnilingus and tell.
ROSIE PIERRI - Sold.
Rosie and Guin go kayaking...
ROSIE PIERRI - Whoa, you wore a dress to go kayaking?
GUINEVERE TURNER - Whoa, you wore a t-shirt that says something about you being fat on a first date?
ROSIE PIERRI - Sorry. I'm from Jersey. I say exactly what's on my mind.
GUINEVERE TURNER - I, too, say exactly what's on my mind, but the difference is that my mind is educated and complex.
ROSIE PIERRI - Damn.
Andrew takes Daniel to San Diego...
WAITER - Two SlamaJamaRitas, coming right u - HEY! Andrew, remember me? I used to model for you and then finger your tuchus backstage?
ANDREW CHRISTIAN - Oh hey person who was not selected by the producers to approach me when I'm on a date.
DANIEL - Wow, you are super popular here in San Diego.
ANDREW CHRISTIAN - Who, me? Nah. Hey, guess what? There's a fashion show being held for me right down the street! Let's check it out!
DANIEL - Remember when you called out the waiter for being part of a setup?
ANDREW CHRISTIAN - Yeah, but this is different cuz I really do want to see you in your underwear.
DANIEL - You mean your underwear.
ANDREW CHRISTIAN - Crap, you're swift.
**Daniel models and flips his little weenie around**
THE END.
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