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| Sexy Unique Rectum. |
BRANDI GLANVILLE - My dog was eaten by a hungry Kyle Richards, you fucking MONSTERS!
MICHAEL OHOVEN - Wait, is that true?
LISA VANDERPUMP - It's not true. And Brandi, please stop swearing.
BRANDI GLANVILLE - TRAITOR!
YOLANDA FOSTER - Let me handle this, Pumps. **turns on soothing Dutch maternal charm** Can you go cry in the car, please?
BRANDI GLANVILLE - Fine. **goes to cry in the car**
YOLANDA FOSTER - She really is a lovely person when she's not spewing filthy Hershey squirt words. Trust me.
JOYCE GIRAUD DE OHOVEN - Trust you? In the way Ben Vereen trusted your husband before he was brutally run down in the street?
YOLANDA FOSTER - Listen, you emaciated, poor vocab-having twat, I will -
LISA VANDERPUMP - Ah ah ah, Yolanda, watch your filthy Hershey squirt language...
YOLANDA FOSTER - You're right. **regains composure** Lemons, anyone? **takes wedge from her purse, squeezes indiscriminately**
Carlton and David arrive at a tattoo parlor...
CARLTON GEBBIA - Remember last time we were at one of these?
DAVID GEBBIA - Yep. We were so drunk we thought it was the emergency room and I needed that monkey-shaped butt plug extracted from my ass.
TATTOO ARTIST - I remember that time, too, and I'm pretty sure neither of you are allowed back on the premises. **points to photograph of Carlton and David with "NOT WELCOME" written underneath it**
CARLTON GEBBIA - Well, maybe you'll feel differently when I tell you about the very expensive project I have for you today.
TATTOO ARTIST - If it's a memorial image of the monkey-shaped butt plug, there's already a stock image in the binder over there.
CARLTON GEBBIA - No, I'd like to get these three words tattooed on my back: Destiny, mystery and cross.
TATTOO ARTIST - What is that, like, some kind of witchy mantra?
CARLTON GEBBIA - No, those are the names of my children.
TATTOO ARTIST - Hahahaha. Good one.
DAVID GEBBIA -She's fucking serious, bro.
TATTO ARTIST - SECURITY! **points to photograph on wall, they are escorted out**
The dog trainer brings Kingsley back from boot camp...
DOG TRAINER - Ok, Miss Richards, show me what you've learned.
KIM RICHARDS - Mr. Drummond, Arnold didn't steal that bicycle.
DOG TRAINER - Huh?
KIM RICHARDS - Sorry, I was having a flashback.
DOG TRAINER - Let's pick up the pace, here. I'm scheduled to kick another dog in the face at noon.
KIM RICHARDS - Ok. Here I go. Kingsley, CHECK. Kingsley, CHECK. Kingsley, CHECCCCKKKK.
DOG TRAINER - Ooooooh. Yeah, girl. I'm digging this authoritative side of you. You free to meet at Fatburger before my noon appointment?
KIM RICHARDS - I'm sorry. The only love in my life is drugs.
DOG TRAINER - Oh.
KIM RICHARDS - Er, I meant, sobriety. The only love in my life is sobriety.
DOG TRAINER - Suit yourself. **masturbates**
Kyle takes Joyce golfing...
KYLE RICHARDS - I thought we were going golfing.
JOYCE GIRAUD DE OHOVEN - We are.
KYLE RICHARDS - Then why can I see the tips of your strange little boobie implants?
JOYCE GIRAUD DE OHOVEN - It's not like we're going to church.
KYLE RICHARDS -True, I guess.
JOYCE GIRAUD DE OHOVEN - Except, FYI, I will forgive Brandi just as our Lord and Savior has forgiven us all for our sins.
KYLE RICHARDS - Dude, I'm a Jew. Save it for the Bellinos.
At Kyle's fashion show...
JAMIE LEE CURTIS - Hello. I am Jamie Lee Curtis, and while I am rumored to have a dick, I actually have neither male nor female reproductive organs.
KYLE RICHARDS - Can we talk about sick kids now?
JAMIE LEE CURTIS - Oh, really? I'm surprised you don't want to talk about your days as a child actor first, you raging narcissist.
KYLE RICHARDS - I was saving that for after the show.
JAMIE LEE CURTIS - Okay, let's bring out the weird skinny people who are rarely very cute in the face.
BRANDI GLANVILLE - **walks, is not very cute in the face**
JOYCE GIRAUD DE OHOVEN - Here goes everything. **hogs the catwalk for a full 3 minutes**
KYLE'S DAUGHTER - **awkwardly walks with her friend** Fuck my mom fuck my mom fuck my mom.
KYLE RICHARDS - **to daughter** I'm so proud of you. More specifically, I'm proud of myself for forcing you to do something so focused on vanity.
KYLE'S DAUGHTER - Mom, can I go I play xbox now?
KYLE RICHARDS - Only if it's a fashion games with lots of caftans.
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