 |
| Carlton and Brandi make out. |
Carlton confronts Kyle at a clothing store after Kyle advertises her Very Flat Stomach...
CARLTON GEBBIA - Several things you have done have really bothered me.
KYLE RICHARDS - How can that be? I'm so down to earth.
CARLTON GEBBIA - That's also part of the problem. I prefer my friends to be sky goddesses.
KYLE RICHARDS - Is this about the time I asked you about your HPV in a large group of people? Because I just thought we all had a right to know.
CARLTON GEBBIA - No. Much worse. You advocated the murder of a yellow angel.
KYLE RICHARDS - ?
CARLTON GEBBIA - A bee, Kyle. You wanted to kill a bee.
KYLE RICHARDS - Whoops.
CARLTON GEBBIA - And then you didn't let me finish my 45 minute presentation on my cat attacking a bird at your luncheon.
KYLE RICHARDS - Sorry.
CARLTON GEBBIA - And then you had the absolute gall to ask me about the spiritual practices I advertise all over my house and my body.
KYLE RICHARDS - Looks like I goofed up, Carl.
CARLTON GEBBIA - Goofed? Do you even realize how offensive that is to Disney dog-like characters?
KYLE RICHARDS - I think he is supposed to be a dog. Instead of dog-like.
CARLTON GEBBIA - Shut up.
The ladies sit by the pool in Palm Springs...
BRANDI GLANVILLE - Why am I the only one in the poooooool???
LISA VANDERPUMP - Probably for the same reason you're the only one in a bikini the size of a pubic hair. **cough cough** WHORE **cough cough**.
BRANDI GLANVILLE - Jacqueline, come in the pool with meeeeee.
JOYCE GIRAUD DE OHOVEN - No thank you.
YOLANDA FOSTER - You're the hostess. That means you should be leading.
JOYCE GIRAUD DE OHOVEN - Everyone can follow my lead by sitting in a chair. And my name is Joyce.
BRANDI GLANVILLE - Jacqueline, come in the pooooool!!!! **burps**
JOYCE GIRAUD DE OHOVEN - I'd prefer not to.
BRANDI GLANVILLE - What are you, a black person?
**Record scratch**
YOLANDA FOSTER - You're the hostess, Joyce. You should be anticipating any racist comments and preemptively shut them down.
At dinner...
JOYCE GIRAUD DE OHOVEN - Dig in, everybody!
YOLANDA FOSTER - You're the hostess. You should be tasting all the food first to prove it's not poison.
JOYCE GIRAUD DE OHOVEN - Oookay...
BRANDI GLANVILLE - Jacqueline, tell us about your new show called Mongolia or something.
JOYCE GIRAUD DE OHOVEN - It's called Siberia. And my name is Joyce.
BRANDI GLANVILLE - But Joyce is the name of a woman with an inverted bob and a gunt.
JOYCE GIRAUD DE OHOVEN - That's very hurtful. In high school I had both an inverted bob and a gunt. The kids would tease and call me a horse.
LISA VANDERPUMP - Makes sense.
KIM RICHARDS - Stop bullying Jacqueline, everybody.
JOYCE GIRAUD DE OHOVEN - Joyce.
KIM RICHARDS - Whatever.
BRANDI GLANVILLE - **slurring** I don't know 'bout you guys, but Kyle is an ASSHOLE with HAIR. Like, a HAIRY ASSHOLE. Get it?
KYLE RICHARDS - I have been nothing but nice to you, besides that time my sister stole your crutches and I thought it was very funny that you couldn't walk.
BRANDI GLANVILLE - **passes out at table** Gurgle gurgle.
YOLANDA FOSTER - Jacqueline, as the hostess you should have been monitoring her alcohol consumption.
JOYCE GIRAUD DE OHOVEN - It's JOYCE.
YOLANDA FOSTER - Whatever.
THE END.
No comments:
Post a Comment