Friday, November 22, 2013

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap, Episode 3.2 - "Don't Inject Restylane in My Tear Troughs And Tell Me It's Raining"

This is my first foray into fan fiction. I hope you like.

Kyle Richards & Mauricio Umansky

Kyle is applying makeup in her mirror when Mauricio enters...

MAURICIO UMANSKY -  Hey, babe. I'm super sweaty from sticking my wiener into the armpits of transsexual prostitutes. That's why my shirt's off while the cameramen are in our house.

KYLE RICHARDS - Oh, you. Your sense of humor rivals mine when I'm at a party and talking about a friend behind her back in a group of equally-conniving-yet-less-hot-than-me women.

MAURICIO UMANSKY - Right. Sense of humor. PS - Have you heard that Walgreens sells at-home AIDS tests now?

KYLE RICHARDS - No. Why do I care about that?

MAURICIO UMANSKY - **dejected** I dunno. It's just pretty cool. Technology and all that. I'll pick you up one on the way home from the transsexual whore house.

KYLE RICHARDS - **ignores him while flipping her hair** Hey, can you zip up the back of my dress? 

MAURICIO UMANSKY - Sure. **struggles with zipper** So... hard.. to... pull....

KYLE RICHARDS - It's like I always tell Kim when she's trying to get off drugs - You can do it!

MAURICIO UMANSKY - Pretty inspirational stuff. **still struggling with zipper** Too... much... backfat...

KYLE RICHARDS - Just tell yourself you're selling the house of a Bravo-lebrity and you'll be featured in the background of Millionaire Matchmaker. An episode in which Destin is featured heavily.

MAURICIO UMANSKY - GOT IT! **takes his pants off because sweat** Have you ever thought about becoming a motivational speaker?

KYLE RICHARDS - C'mon now... I'm just a mom.


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