| The Ross and Rachel of the Millennial generation, even though they might be too old to be considered Millennials. |
CT - Yeah, girl. The way you're whipping your non-existent hair back and forth is making the blood that no longer flows to my penis because I'm a smoker redirect to my face.
DIEM - You know the word "non-existent"? AND "redirect"? **makes out with him**
WES - **through a can that's attached to a string held up to CT's ear** Now put your hand on the line that separates the white part of the boob from the sunburned part of the boob.
DIEM - **notices can** Hey! What's going on here?
CT - Wes is teaching me the English language so I can score with you.
DIEM - Oh. Cool. **too drunk to understand, passes out**
At a pit with ramps and balls...
TJ LAVIN - Take a look around. It's a good thing some of you brushed up on your CrossFit exercises this morning, or whatever the hell you call that pseudo-science of holding things in your arms.
FRANK - I'll have you know that the CrossFit program is designed for universal scalability making it the perfect application for any committed individual regardless of experience.
TJ LAVIN - I stopped listening after "I'll have you." You'll never have me, Frank.
**the teams start running up and down the ramps and stuffing the balls in nets**
CARA MARIA - My hip bone pads! **tries to tighten pads** I can't compete without my hip bone pads!
COOKE - WTF? We weren't even issued hip bone pads!
CARA MARIA - I brought them from home. Osteoporosis runs in my family.
COOKE - Abram will like it if you come home with some bruises. Now keep fucking going!
CARA MARIA - True. **they lose anyway**
KNIGHT - **hanging from a ramp, reaching for Preston** I'm sorry I said you look like you're in the advanced stages of the AIDS virus. And that you're the weirdest-faced person still left on the challenge. Now will you help me up???
PRESTON - Wait - you said those things?
KNIGHT - Shit. Er, no.
PRESTON - Fine, you fat-ass sociopath. **helps him up, they lose anyway**
WES - **finishes in record time, sits on top of ramp** Look at these plebians, still struggling to finish.
CT - Yeah. Plebians. **pause** What's a plebian?
WES - **points at Johnny Bananas** That.
JOHNNY BANANAS - Can't. Breathe.**vomits**
At the voting session...
TJ LAVIN - Do we even have to vote? Sometimes Gay and Half-Hand versus Lady Gym Teacher and Starvin' Marvin'.
PAULA WALNUTS - Not very professional of you to call us names, TJ. No matter how accurate and on-the-money those names may be.
TJ LAVIN - Would you prefer Dave Mira?
PAULA WALNUTS - Touché.
WES - **to Johnny** See you in the finals, Chuck.
JOHNNY BANANAS - Chuck?
WES - Yeah. UPchuck! **him and CT laugh and exchange high-fives**
JOHNNY BANANAS - Fuck you! I'm the Master of the Challenges!
WES - We know! And it's sad!
JOHNNY BANANAS - You're the one who got antiqued!
WES - But I also have 30 companies and a monster truck!
JOHNNY BANANAS - You needed to be carried through a final challenge, Big Easy-style!
WES - You're essentially unemployable!
CT - Trying to argue but still not fluent in the English language!
Jordan and Marlon face Preston and Knight in the arena...
TJ LAVIN - Two of the male teams for the final challenge have been determined. Who will be the third?
PRESTON - US!
TJ LAVIN - Hahahaha.
KNIGHT - Hahahaha.
PRESTON - Hey! You're on my team!
KNIGHT - You're in a sequined top hat, and I'm dressed like Howdy Doodie. It's not happening. **it doesn't**
JORDAN - **after winning, holds up his bloody stump for TJ to see** Ahhhh! My fingers have been amputated!
TJ LAVIN - AHHHHHHHH! MEDIC!!!!!!! **remembers Jordan doesn't have fingers** Oh, you!
THE END.
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