Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Catfish: The TV Show Recap, Episode 10 - "Ashley & Mike"






Max and Nev find themselves at the Hampton Inn in Woodstock, IL...

MAX JOSEPH - **emerges from the shower** I still can't seem to scrub the Justin scent off of me.

NEV SCHULMAN - Well, you'd better, Justin case we get a new email!

MAX JOSEPH - **groans, hangs his head in his hands**

NEV SCHULMAN - Sorry. I had to. **opens his laptop** Oh, here we go! This is from Ashley of Kennesaw, Georgia. **reads**
"Dear Nev. The seven years of lies with Mike must end! Love, Ashley.
PS - it's me who's been lying. Check out these before and afters. Afters, meaning after I photoshopped the fuck out of them."

MAX JOSEPH - If this whole wife thing doesn't work out, she's got a future as a photoshopper of fat people pics.

NEV SCHULMAN - I can see it now: "Photoshopper of Fat People Pics and Sons Inc."

MAX JOSEPH - Will that fit on a business card?

NEV SCHULMAN   - If you shrink the print to make it appear smaller.

MAX JOSEPH - Ok, this joke has officially lasted too long.





In Kennesaw, Georgia, Nevax meets Ashley...

 ASHLEY - This is Mike. **shows them pics of The Situation** Isn't he hot?

NEV SCHULMAN - He looks... familiar?

ASHLEY - It's his eyes. So friendly that it feels like he's known you forever.

MAX JOSEPH -  I take it you didn't get basic cable until 2012?

ASHLEY  - Yeah. How'd you know?

MAX JOSEPH - Lucky guess. 




After some research, Nevax are led to Gena, Mike's possible sister...

NEV SCHULMAN - **on the phone** Hi, Gena. Do you have a brother named Mike?

GENA -  I'd prefer he answer that question himself.

NEV SCHULMAN - So... You do?

GENA - No comment. But maybe.

NEV SCHULMAN - If you did have a brother named Mike, would he like talking on the internet to people?

GENA - That's pretty personal. I couldn't say.

NEV SCHULMAN - Well, has your brother been up in gym just working on his fitness?

GENA - I don't feel comfortable answering that question.

NEV SCHULMAN - You've been super helpful, Gena. Thank you.




Max and Nev take Ashley to an under-21 foam party in NYC....

ASHLEY - WHOOOOOO!



Ashley finally meets Mike in Piscataway, New Jersey...

MIKE - Hi. I guess you can tell that I'm not The Situation.

ASHLEY - Oh, we got a situation, alright!

MAX JOSEPH - **whispers to Mike** She doesn't have cable.

NEV SCHULMAN - Ashley, don't you have something to tell Mike?

ASHLEY - Yeah. I skimmed serious el bees off my photos.

MIKE - No biggie. I still think you're beautiful and perfect.

**Silence for an unbearable 148 seconds.**

NEV SCHULMAN - Um, why don't you take Ashley outside, Max? This awkwardness is making my chest hair stand on end.




Outside, Max talks with Ashley...

MAX JOSEPH - What's the problem?

ASHLEY  - Well.... He's... FAT.

MAX JOSEPH - So in addition to not having cable in Georgia, they also lack mirrors.

ASHLEY  - No, we have those.




Ashley breaks the news to Mike...

ASHLEY - I have to start my life. I'm actually considering going out in public, and I can't do that in a relationship.

MIKE - You can't go out in public in a relationship?

ASHLEY - Um.... right.

MIKE - Oh. Well, I can't sit around and wait, you know.

ASHLEY - You can't?

MIKE   - Ok, I totally can. I love to sit.

ASHLEY - This has been nice, but I gotta go. I have a hot date with the "Cheese" sign above my stove.




Max and Nev catch up with Ashley and Mike via Skype...

ASHLEY - The date with the "Cheese" sign above my stove was a bust. So I'm going to New Jersey.

MIKE - And all the other options I was considering didn't pan out.

MAX JOSEPH -  I'm shocked you two didn't both have a line of eager suitors outside your door.

ASHLEY - I did. But those suitors were raccoons.


THE END.

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