Thursday, August 22, 2013

The Challenge: Rivals II Recap, Episode 7 - "Crossing Jordan"



Teamwork.

By the pool... 

DIEM - Come for a run with me. 

ANEESA - No. Ty's making bacon.

DIEM - C'mon. I'm not trying to say you're fat. But you're fat.

ANEESA - Doesn't look like Ty minds in the next episode.

DIEM - If you don't prepare for the final challenge, you're gonna end up like Big Easy.

ANEESA - Invited by MTV to appear on every season of The Challenge? I should be so lucky.

DIEM - Ugh, what did I expect from a Jewish Armenian black lesbian stripper?

ANEESA - Excuse me, that's MISS Jewish Armenian black lesbian stripper to you.





At the daily challenge...

TJ LAVIN - Everyone, this is a dog named Pookie. Her only purpose is to give the cameras something to focus in on when watching you walk through bamboo gets boring.

WES - And to cuddle with you on those steamy Phuket nights?

TJ LAVIN - Well, yes. That too. The catch to walking through the bamboo maze is that you'll be blinded and electrocuted.

CARA MARIA - Now that's my kinda maze!

TJ LAVIN - Down, girl.

**Ty and Leroy go into the maze, but don't move an inch** 

LEROY - I have a newfound appreciation for Ray Charles.

TY - And Stevie Wonder.

LEROY  - And James Earl Jones in The Sandlot.

TJ LAVIN - Can you two stop listing black blind people?

LEROY - Yes. But only because I don't know of any more.

TY - Good one, bro.

LEROY - Thanks.




Frank approaches the women about the area...

FRANK - Ladies, you've got to vote Jordan and Marlon into the arena.

JOHNNY BANANAS - It's a bad show of character that they didn't keep their word.

PAULA WALNUTS - Johnny, I take it you don't remember what happened on The Island.

JOHNNY BANANAS -  Oh yeah. Well, this is different because they're lame.






FrankJordanFight

Jordan watches as Frank cooks dinner...

JORDAN - How's the campaign going?

FRANK - HOW DARE YOU ASK ME ABOUT SOMETHING THAT DIRECTLY AFFECTS YOU IN THIS COMPETITION!!! 

JORDAN -  I'm just curious if I should finish eating this sorbet or start packing my stuff.

FRANK - FUCK YOU!!!! YOUR NAME NEVER CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH!!!!

JORDAN - Hey, man. Do what you gotta do.

FRANK - **attacks him** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!





The voting session begins...

JONNA - We'd like to vote for Preston and Knight. If you've ever had your privates caressed by a half-hand, you'd understand why.

TJ LAVIN- Ew. Who does everyone else vote for?

EVERYONE ELSE - **in unison** Jordan and Marlon.

TJ LAVIN - Sweet, I'm glad that went so fast. More time to cuddle with Pookie. **speeds off**




In the arena...

MARLON - Oklahoma drill, baby. Oklahoma drill.

TJ LAVIN -  I don't know what the fuck you guys are talking about.

JORDAN - And you never will.

TJ LAVIN - And I'm perfectly ok with that. Just push each other down a hallway, ok?

JOHNNY BANANAS - **yelling from the deck** Gonna be a headbanger tonight!

TJ LAVIN - Johnny's officially become the crazy ranting grandpa of the group. Can you pipe down, gramps?

JOHNNY BANANAS - **shits his pants** What's that? My hearing's not so good anymore.

**Marlon and Jordan beat Ty and Leroy**

JORDAN -   Oklahoma drill, baby. Oklahoma drill.

TJ LAVIN - You fuckers are weird.


THE END.

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