Thursday, August 15, 2013

The Challenge: Rivals II Recap, Episode 6 - "Revenge Is A Dish Best Not Served"


Cara Maria has nice arms (is that even Cara Maria? Maybe it's Cooke).




In Phuket...

TJ LAVIN -  Good morning, Under Armour wearers. Your challenge for today is to talk shit on everybody.

WES - That's easy. Jemmye's elusive, Jonna is perfunctory, Theresa's demonstrative.

TJ LAVIN - No, I was going to prompt you with questions first. But nice adjectives, just the same.

WES - Thanks. Kansas public school system. It's more than just creationism.

TJ LAVIN - Ok, guys, who's got the best ass -

MARLON - That's easy. Nany has a full onion, which I would like to peel and eat after caramelizing over a hot flame.

TJ LAVIN - You didn't let me finish. I was going to ask who has the best asshole.  Obviously the answer is CT.

CT - **mumbles** Obviously.

TJ LAVIN  - Next question. Men, what's the most annoying part about your partners?

JOHNNY BANANAS - Duh, Frank's fuckin' sensitive. **pokes Frank's tummy with his pinky**

FRANK - Ow.

TJ LAVIN - I wasn't done with the question. I was going to ask what's the most annoying part about your partner's relationship with fruit. For example, I dislike kiwi so much my mouth puckers in an interesting way. **puckers his lips** 

PAULA WALNUTS Ok, this challenge is just weird.

TJ LAVIN - And finally, ladies, which girl in the house is the fakest?

JONNA - Hello, Jemmye. I'm not buying the ketchup phobia.

TJ LAVIN - Wrong. The full question was who's the fakest at being fake.

LEROYGod damn it. Why can't you just finish a sentence without pausing?!

TJ LAVIN - Excuse me, I'm just trying to express my creativity in the best way I know how. You know, after the accident.

LEROY - Oh yeah.

TJ LAVIN- I knew that would shut you guys up.





Theresa approaches Jordan about voting for Aneesa and Diem...

THERESA - I just want you to know how impressed I am with your ability to pick up exercise equipment with one and a half hands.

JORDAN - Thank you. I appreciate it.

THERESA  - So now will you not vote me into the arena?

JORDAN -  I need more than just lukewarm compliments.

THERESA - What if I told you your headband accentuates the straightness of your hairline?

JORDAN - Ok, we got a deal.







In the voting circle...

JORDAN - I have to break my word and say Theresa and Jasmine.

THERESA - But I complimented your half-hand! That was really hard for me to do!

JORDAN -  I'm sorry. Your Midwest accent is just too grating for me to stand another minute.

THERESA - Fack yoo!






In the arena...

TJ LAVIN - Camila and Jemmye, despite being very popular with the African-American men in the cast, you have been selected to go against Theresa and Jordan in the arena.

CAMILA - YOU GONNA DIEEEEEEEE!

TJ LAVIN - Whoa. I thought you would have taken the off-season to work on your anger issues. Guess not.

THERESA - What's with all these balls?

TJ LAVIN - They're of the men who've been spontaneously castrated upon hearing your grating Midwest accent.

THERESA - Geez, sarry.

TJ LAVIN - You're going to run on a treadmill and throw the balls at your partner until you fall in some mud. The mud is representative of CT's beautiful, perfect asshole.

CT - Again, this is just weird.

TJ LAVIN - Hello? I had an accident.Ok, teams - Ready, set, THROW BALLS AT YOUR PARTNER UNTIL YOU FALL IN SOME MUD REPRESENTATIVE OF CT'S BEAUTIFUL, PERFECT ASSHOLE!

**Jasmine immediately falls in the mud**

TJ LAVIN - The African-American men in the cast will be very pleased to learn that Jemmye and Camila are here to stay.

THERESA - Jordan, I take back what I said about your hand. It's gross. **leaves for Milwaukee**


THE END.


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