Thursday, August 8, 2013

The Challenge: Rivals II Recap, Episode 5 - "What the Phuket?!"

What the Phuket?!

Theresa and Leroy hookup on the top bunk while Wes lies underneath...

THERESA & LEROY - **snuffle canoodle groan**

WES - Ugh, can you two PLEASE be quiet? I don't know if you know this, but redheads require more sleep than human beings.

THERESA & LEROY -  **snap crackle pop squirt**

WES -  FINE! I'll go sleep with CT. **leaves**

LEROY - Guess he didn't hear the squirt part. We're already done.

THERESA - And it took a whopping two minutes.

LEROY - I have an idea! Let's highlight his shortcomings by listing them on a dummy.

THERESA - Gee, I dunno. In Milwaukee we treat people better than that.

LEROY - Fuck Milwaukee.

WES - **enters, reads words written on dummy** Spicy Taint Nugget? Fugly-Crusted Sun-Avoider? LOW SELF-ESTEEM? Now you've really crossed the line.

Zach calls his mother...

ZACH'S MOM - Zach, I have wonderful news. Your nephew was born today!

ZACH -  NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Now I'll never get to see my sister's vagina! **destroys house**

At the day's challenge...

TJ LAVIN - Teams, ever been accosted by large dung-covered biscuits on a string? Haha, of course you haven't. That's why the lord has given us today.

JONNA  - Girls, if we hold back on the large dung-covered biscuit strings, our largely non-white group of friends can win!

JASMINE - Has anybody ever told you you're a genius?

JONNA -  Once, but he recanted after we had sex. **Jasmine and Theresa win**

ZACH -  **to the men** Guys, let's hold back on the strings so sociopath Knight can win.

**Nobody listens to him because he's stupid**

ZACH - Is this because of what I said about my sister's vagina? Guys, I didn't mean it.

At the voting session...

TJ LAVIN - Ladies, please vote for who you'd like to see go in the arena.

THERESA - I'd like to submit a "throwaway" vote that will allow me to be a big pussy and not piss anybody off, so I vote for Ty and Leroy.

DIEM -  And I'd like to destroy Theresa's plan by also voting for Ty and Leroy.

TJ LAVIN - Ty and Leroy it is.

LEROY - **to Theresa** Dude, are you stupid or something?

THERESA -  I never got the impression you wanted to fuck me because I'm smart.

LEROY - True.

THERESA -  You're such a bitch, Diem.

DIEM - How could you yell at me?  Have you forgotten that I have cancer?

THERESA - You never let anybody forget you have cancer.

At the arena...

TJ LAVIN - Welcome to the arena. Zach and Ty, you're going to do what you do best -grunt and break stuff. Leroy and Ty, you're going to come in second.

TY - Man, we don't even get to try?

TJ LAVIN - I told you there'd be twists.

ZACH -  **throws helmet at Jordan** Yeah, mutherfuckers! I win!

LEROY - But that puts you that many more weeks away from seeing your sister. She might be breastfeeding, you know. In public.

ZACH-  Good point. I'm out. **leaves**

TJ LAVIN - Ok, Ty and Leroy. Go have sex with your eff buddies.

TY -  I don't have one of those yet.

TJ LAVIN -  Iiiiinteresting...

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