Monday, August 5, 2013

Princesses: Long Island Recap, Season Finale - "Sunrise, Sunset"



Amanda and Jeff board the Long Island Railroad, where they met six months ago...

AMANDA BERTONCINI  - I remember you, with your long legs and your Abercrombie visor, asking all the passengers if they had any spare change.

JEFF HOFFMAN - And I remember you, still suckling your mother's breast at the age of 26.

AMANDA BERTONCINI - What can I say? She really likes having me close by.

JEFF HOFFMAN - Well, I have something to ask you.

AMANDA BERTONCINI - Omg, omg, here it comes. I'm verklempt.

JEFF HOFFMAN - Amanda, will you accept... **takes box out of his pocket** this ring I found in my salad at Red Robin? I figured it was a sign from God, rather than an example of poor quality control.

AMANDA BERTONCINI - Um, ok. What does the ring mean?

JEFF HOFFMAN - I dunno. Ask the manager at Red Robin. **puts it on her finger**

AMANDA BERTONCINI - Thanks?

JEFF HOFFMAN - You're welcome, my baby.





After Ashlee goes missing, the girls go on the Gimbel boat..

ERICA GIMBEL - You know what's a good time, in my book? Partying with your dad with your tits hanging out.

JOEY LAUREN - I'd agree with you, if my dad would ever give me the time of day.

AMANDA BERTONCINI   - I wonder what that hideous troll Ashlee is up to right now. **checks her phone, sees text that says Ashlee is in the hospital** Oh.




The girls partake in a Jewish New Year ritual at a retention pond...

JOEY LAUREN -  I'm sorry that I called Ashlee funny-looking, even though she really is funny-looking. But it's not like she can help it. **throws bread in the pond**

ERICA GIMBEL - I'm sorry that none of these other girls will ever experience what it's like to be the hottest girl on Long Island. **throws bread in the pond**

CHANEL OMARI - I'm sorry that I'm not married, and that I said I'm half-black because I'm good at dancing. That might be sort of racist. **throws bread in the pond**

CASEY COHEN - I'm sorry that I'm such a LOYAL friend. It's caused nothing but trouble but I will ALWAYS be SO LOYAL to my friends. **throws bread in the pond**

AMANDA BERTONCINI - I'm sorry I french-kissed a statue of a 9/11 hero that birds shit on everyday. But I'm NOT sorry I'm pre-engaged. **throws bread in the pond**

ASHLEE WHITE - I'm sorry that everybody else besides me doesn't know how to act right. **throws bread in the pond**

CHANEL OMARI  - That's all you're sorry for?

ASHLEE WHITE - Oh, I'm also sorry god decided to give me a stroke. That sucked.

THE END.

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