Thursday, July 25, 2013

The Challenge: Rivals II Recap, Episode 3 - "The Dark Knight Rises"

Derek finally gets some screen time, and some pee pee time.

People gather in the bunks to discuss Marlon...

ZACH - Jordan, it is imperative for us to know if Marlon nuzzles weenies in his free time.

JORDAN - I dunno if it's anybody's business...

KNIGHT**scoffs** Not our business?! If there's a tushie tickler in our midst, we must know!

JORDAN - Who even cares, guys?

ZACH  - It's about freedom of information.

KNIGHT - This is America, after all.

JORDAN  - No, it's not. But fine, I'll tell you what I know. Marlon has had anal sex with men.

ZACH - Yeah? What else?

JORDAN  - He may have hooked up with Derek in the pool.

KNIGHT - Uh huh. Tell me more.

JORDAN - He loves when - **notices their hands are out of sight** HEY! Are you guys, like getting off on this?

ZACH - What? NO!

KNIGHT - Ew, gross, gayness!

 Later that night...
PAULA WALNUTS - Let's play charades! **an innocent game of charades begins, with mimicry of such actions as lifting weights, picking flowers, making a sandwich.**

KNIGHT - My turn! I'm Marlon! **pushes Derek's penis into his asshole** Get it? He has anal sex, and now I'm having anal sex!!! Hahaha!

MARLON - Not cool, dude.

KNIGHT - What?

After Marlon and Knight fight, a new fight brews...

JEMMYE - Hey, are you black and Jewish?

ANEESA - Is Cher Armenian?

JEMMYE -  I don't know the answer to that, but I'll assume that's a yes.

ANEESA - Who wants to know?

JEMMYE  - Trishelle is angry that you embody every minority she wants to openly degrade.

ANEESA  - Is that so? **walks over to Trishelle**

TRISHELLE - **ranting to herself**  Not only do I hate black people, Jewish people, and stripper people, but I also hate anybody who appeared on Real World Chicago!

ANEESA - You got a problem with me, Trashelle?

TRISHELLE - I gotta problem with not being able to use racial slurs whenever I want. This is America!

SARAH RICE - No, it's not.

ANEESA  - If you got such a big problem maybe you should just go home!

SARAH RICE  - No no no no don't do that.

TRISHELLE -  Fine! I will! **runs into Aneesa's arm** I hate people with arms, too! **leaves**

Down by the water...

TJ LAVIN - Todays challenge is to scoot on some rope and feel the sensation against your anal glands.

DEREK -  I've felt enough sensations against my anal glands for one week, thank you.

TJ LAVIN - Good to know. But first, some housekeeping issues. Sarah, this ends your time in Thailand.

SARAH - Motherfucker. Now I gotta go back to teaching kids art. **leaves**


**Johnny and Frank win, Knight and Preston lose**

At the Arena...

TJ LAVIN - Derek and Robb, you have been selected to go into the Arena. Again. 

ROBB - I have red hair. I'm used to it.

TJ LAVIN - You are going to attach bells to your feet, and swing sticks at other men.

DEREK - Also known as a Saturday night in West Hollywood.

TJ LAVIN - Knight and Preston, it would be wise for you to develop codewords for each other, and then use them repeatedly so that the other team figures out what they mean. 

PRESTON - For us, NOLA means "get down low."

**despite this info, Robb and Derek lose**

DEREK - Back to having sex with guys who are actually out of the closet, I guess. **leaves**

ROBB - Back to having sex with myself. **leaves**

Nany and Marlon cozy up later that night...

MARLON - Hey, gurl. You ever been with a guy who's had a dick up his ass?

NANY - **giggles** No...

MARLON - Well, tonight's your lucky night. **they hook up, making Marlon the ULTIMATE challenge player.

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