Thursday, July 18, 2013

The Challenge, Rivals II Recap, Episode 2 - "New Girl"


Ep.2402 | ‘New Girl’
Emily is about to be really disappointed.


After Tyrie and Dunbar lose to Robb and Derek in The Jungle...

TJ LAVIN - Goodbye, Tyrie and Dunbar. You'll be missed.

JOHNNY BANANAS - By who?

TJ LAVIN - Touché. Before we begin today's challenge, we've got to decide whether Cooke stays or goes.

COOKE - If Hurricane Nia is going to be my new partner, I'd prefer to go. Thanks.

TJ LAVIN - Hahahaha, it's cute that you think you have any say in this decision. Can I get a drumroll, please?

**players slap their hands against their asses**

TJ LAVIN - Cooke, you're getting a neeeeeeew partner! And your new partner is... CARA MARIA!

CARA MARIA - **runs in, pumping arms above her head** WHOOO! I just spent two hours jerking off Abram, and boy are my arms tired!

 **silence**

CARA MARIA - Not the warm welcome I was hoping for, but that's life when you're so edgy and unique. 



The daily challenge begins...

TJ LAVIN - Your challenge for today is to thrust onto some wood and put your face in some taint.

PAULA WALNUTS - That's called Wednesday at my house.

TJ LAVIN - The person with the meanest thrust and most earnest taint face wins.

PRESTON -  I'm out.

KNIGHT - But you're gay.

PRESTON -  Which means I must maintain my appetite for eating ass. Being so close to yours will turn me off of it forever.

WES - I'm out, too. If I'm ever going to  achieve my dream of becoming a frozen yogurt shop magnate, I've got to promote an image of cleanliness.

JOHNNY BANANAS  - Dude, you used to hook up with Mandi. That dream is gone.

TJ LAVIN -  Ok, teams. Ready, set, THRUST N' TAINT!

**Zach and Trey win**

ZACH - It's like carrying a baby bjorn around Spartan.

TREY - Huh?

ZACH   - Michigan chain of grocery stores.

**Anastasia and Jess lose**

ANASTASIA -  I guess all that practicing I did with CT last night didn't help.






During the R & R sesh...

FRANK - Anastasia's telling everybody that you had sex.

CT -  Oh, so now inserting your penis into a woman's vagina is having sex? The times, they sure are a changin'.

FRANK - Admit it! Admit this thing to me that I am not involved with in any way!

CT - No!

FRANK - **rips CT shirt open** 

 CT - Hey! That was on sale at Ross! Now you've really done it!

*they fight**

TRISHELLE - I would also like to insert myself into this drama that does not pertain to me in any way! **she fights*





CT talks to Anastasia the next day...

ANASTASIA - I can't believe you're not telling the world we had sex! PIG!

CT - Sounds like you did a good enough job yourself.

ANASTASIA -  That's the last time I hook up in a closet with somebody from the Boston suburbs with a mild speech impediment. The last time!

CT -  Whatever you say... **with true malice** ROOKIE.

ANASTASIA - Oh no you di-int. **attacks him**  

DIEM - **waching** Glad I put on my pink Kate Gosselin wig for this. **eats popcorn**







Anastasia and Jess go up against Cooke and Cara Maria in The Jungle...

ANASTASIA - **hanging from a harness** I'm feeling woozy...

TJ LAVIN - You? An anorexic nicotine addict who's never seen without a glass of wine in her hand? Naaaah.

COOKE - Uh oh, guys. I have to unleash more urine than Dustin Zito had showered on his face on Frat Pad. **pees**

TJ LAVIN - Can we finally get started? I have some transgendered prostitutes to meet in town in thirty minutes.

**Cooke and Cara Maria cut Anastasia and Jess down from the rope, they fall in the water**

JESS - Cooke, did you have asparagus for dinner?

COOKE  - Why, yes. I did.


THE END.

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