Monday, July 22, 2013

Princesses: Long Island Recap, Episode 8 - "Always a Bridesmaid"

Let's talk about the sex we've never had, baby.

At the White residence...

ASHLEE WHITE - Thank you, girls, for coming to my slumber party. If anybody needs anything, my dad's in the sleeping bag to Chanel's left.

HAL WHITE - Hi, ladies. Shake it!

ASHLEE WHITE - Let's play never have I ever. Dad, cover your ears.

AMANDA BERTONCINI  - Never have I ever caught my boyfriend jerking off to gay submission porn. **Amanda drinks**

CHANEL OMARI - Awww girl! Ok, my turn. Never have I ever cried on every single episode of a television show I've been on. **Chanel drinks**

AMANDA BERTONCINI  - Ooooh, no you diint!

ASHLEE WHITE - My turn. Dad, are you listening?

HAL WHITE - No, darling.

ASHLEE WHITE - Never ever have I had sex.


CHANEL OMARI  - Like, ever?

ASHLEE WHITE -  Ever. **drinks**

HAL WHITE - That's my girl!

CHANEL OMARI  - Shit just got real.

AMANDA BERTONCINI - I'd love to be able to say I'm surprised.

At a restaurant, Marcos and Ashlee sit down across from Jeff and Amanda...

JEFF HOFFMAN - **making out with Amanda, does not notice Marcos and Ashlee have arrived** We have company, my baby.

AMANDA BERTONCINI  - Oh, sorry! I was thinking about Jeff's crack hair and had to have him right then and there.

JEFF HOFFMAN -  Aw. My baby.

AMANDA BERTONCINI  - Ashlee, meet Marcos. He's a big figure in the Great Neck Tuesday happy hour karaoke scene.

MARCOS - Nice-ah to a-meet-ah you.

AMANDA BERTONCINI  He comes with many amenities, like a soda stream and not one, but two quesadilla makers.


MARCOS - I was also responsible for the Cessna crash in the Hamptons last summer that killed two people. But I made it!

ASHLEE WHITE - I can see that! **whispers to Amanda** Hubba hubba!

AMANDA BERTONCINI -  I know, right?

MARCOS  - What do you say we take this party to Senior Saturdays at the discotheque?

ASHLEE WHITE - We say - sure!

MARCOS - **dances with old ladies at the club**

ASHLEE WHITE - When I said I wanted an old man, I didn't mean the kind that enjoys the company of people his own age. It's disgusting, frankly. **leaves**

At the Gimbel household...

ERICA GIMBEL - Mom, Dad, are you excited about Rob coming to dinner?


ERICA'S MOM - I'm largely indifferent. He's just a regular guy.

ERICA GIMBEL - I guess we all feel the same way. I'll call him to cancel.

Casey helps Chanel prepare for her sister's wedding...

CHANEL OMARI - Help! I'm working on a speech for my sister's wedding and I have writer's block! Now I know how Hemingway must have felt.

CASEY COHEN - What do you have so far?

CHANEL OMARI - "For those who don't know me, I am the proud sister of our glamorous bride."


CHANEL OMARI - I need your advice! You're our cool friend "making it" in the big city.

CASEY COHEN  - It's true. My advice is to take the speech and make it about you. Your failures in life and love, etc etc.

CHANEL OMARI -  That's.... Genius.

CASEY COHEN  - Yep. You get a lot of inspiration, living in the Big Apple.

Joey and her dad have a breakfast meeting...

JOEY LAUREN - I made you some eggs.

JOEY'S DAD - You got ninety days to get the fuck out of here.

JOEY LAUREN - Dad, Rome wasn't built in a day.

JOEY'S DAD - Yeah, and if you can't slap together some shitty lip gloss in three years, you've got bigger problems than some Brutus dude .

JOEY LAUREN - I don't get it.

JOEY'S DAD - The point is, leave me and my new family alone.

JOEY LAUREN - **starts to cry** 

JOEY'S DAD -  Oy, here we go again.


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