Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 16 - "The Crossroads"

Throwin' hunneds, hunneds.

Vicki and Brooks go out to dinner...

VICKI GUNVALSON - Lauri's daughter's friend who is a prostitute said you've been throwin' hunneds in exchange for hand jobs.

BROOKS AYERS - That's ridiculous. Everyone knows I don't have hunneds.

VICKI GUNVALSON  - Phew. That's exactly what I said.

BROOKS AYERS - But once Vicki's Vodka launches, I will. Er, I meant, YOU will.

VICKI GUNVALSON  - Brooks, Brianna -

BROOKS AYERS - **under his breath** That bitch.


BROOKS AYERS - That, uh, sitch. The situation with a husband so far away. Heartbreaking.

VICKI GUNVALSON  - Yes. It's hard. But the good news is that Brianna is spending the night in 29 Palms. So... The house will be empty.

BROOKS AYERS - **phone rings** Hold on, gotta take this. "Hello? Yes, so nice to hear from you, Lauri's daughter's friend who is a prostitute. Breakfast? Stack of ones? It's a date!" **hangs up** I apologize.

VICKI GUNVALSON  - Who was that?

VICKI GUNVALSON - State of Mississippi trying to collect on child support. Ugh, the government, am I right?

At the Life Group meeting at the McLaughlin/Stirling household...

LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - I'm so glad you all could come to this emergency meeting. I had the hardest week of jetsetting, recreation, and free booze.

LIFE GROUP MEMBER I - I had a hard week, too. I saved twelve victims of sexual trafficking.

LIFE GROUP MEMBER II - I saved eight lives as a nurse. Three were really cute infants.

LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN -  I talked about threesomes on a beautiful mountain. And teabagging. It was the lord's will, I guess.

DOUG MCLAUGHLIN -  Honey, why don't you have some cake? **Shoves it in her mouth**

Gretchen meets Alexis for coffee...

ALEXIS BELLINO - I'm so nervous to see you that I pounded an entire bottle of Hypnotiq in the parking lot. **burps**

GRETCHEN ROSSI - Let's make this quick. I have a very professional proposal song to record.

ALEXIS BELLINO - Oh yeah? I also need to make it quick.because I have a TV audition!! **to herself** Shit. WWJD, Lex, WWJD.

GRETCHEN ROSSI - Jesus would NOT try to one up his friends during a meeting set up to apologize for one upping his friends.

ALEXIS BELLINO - It actually stands for "What Would Jim Do."  And Jim would accuse you of bullying, and then try to get you to pay for his coffee.


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